Trip
by FamilyGuyFanatic
Summary: Neil's taking Rick, Mike and Neil to Center Parcs - what could possibly go wrong? Nothing of course - if you don't count fighting, getting ill and the car breaking down!
1. Chapter 1: Sunday Morning

Chapter One – Sunday Morning

"Guys!" screamed Neil as he ran up the carpet-less stairs to the landing. "I've got, like, the most amazing news ever!"

"Neil?" said a tired, confused and somewhat agitated Rick as he walked out of his bedroom, wearing nothing but a filthy vest and a pair of more grey than white underpants. It was obvious that he had just woken up, for his short brown hair was sticking up and he was rubbing his tired eyes as he spoke with his very obvious speech impediment. "Neil, what are you screaming about? It`s only ten o'clock on a Sunday, you know, and some of us want a lie in. Isn't that right, Vyvyan?" he said as Vyvyan sauntered out of his bedroom (which was opposite Rick`s) wearing a full daytime outfit with just a striped pyjama top over it, swigging from an almost empty bottle of vodka as he went.

"What?" said Vyvyan, clearly not listening. As he and Rick spoke Neil stood impatiently, trying to rub a stubborn stain out of his shirt sleeve.

Rick sighed. "I said it`s only ten o'clock on a Sunday and some of us want a lie in." He snorted and gave an irritating laugh. "For Cliff`s sake Vyvyan, do you ever listen to a word anyone says?"

"Yes, I do, Rick, but not to you because you're very, very boring." A smile appeared on Vyvyan`s face as he thought up a violent plan – but as it did he drained his bottle of vodka so the other two couldn't see it. "Duck!" he said suddenly.

"What Vy-" Rick was cut off by an empty vodka bottle to the side of the head. He tripped as he stumbled back and managed to fall backwards over the banister. As Rick landed with a thud he screamed "OUCH!" and began to whimper.

"But it seems that I'm not the only one who doesn't listen, poof!" Vyvyan shouted triumphantly over the banister, knowing, and also showing Rick, that he had won the battle.

"Look, guys, seriously, like, you should totally listen to me." said Neil, getting desperate.

"But we don't want to hear what you have to say, Neil." said Vyvyan.

"Yeah, hippie," added Rick, standing up and testing if his limbs still worked. "It`s you`re fault that I fell down the stairs, so, no – I don`t want to hear what you have to say either." He began to walk up the staircase slowly, for his leg was causing him pain.

Neil took his chance. "My parents are giving me a weekend at Centerparcs for me and my girlfriend." He gabbled.

"But you haven't got a girlfriend, Neil." Said Rick, now halfway up the stairs.

"Yeah, girls hate hippie boyfriends." Added Vyvyan.

"Well, even though you guys are always so mean and heavy towards me, and wouldn't even notice if I disappeared, I'm going to take you."

Rick and Vyvyan stopped glaring at Neil, their expressions softening as they took it in.

"Centerparcs." Rick said slowly, as if he couldn't believe it. "I haven't been on a trip for eight whole years – wow – thanks Neil". When he noticed that Vyvyan wasn't thanking Neil, he added, "Say thank you, Vyvyan."

"Thank you, Vyvyan." He mumbled. Then Vyvyan raised his voice, "Neil, are there many girls there?"

"I don't know, Vyv. I guess so." Replied Neil.

"Because the whole point of going on holiday is picking up totally gorgeous girls." Vyvyan grinned.

"Yeah..." Said both Rick and Neil, sounding slightly wistful.

"I'm going to tell Mike!" Rick babbled, hobble-running up the second flight of stairs to Mike's bedroom.

"Mike!" He shouted as he burst into the room. Rick focused on the bed and saw Mike lying asleep with a woman in his arms. Quickly, Rick ran out of the room – before something occurred to him and he walked, slowly, back in.

"Mike?" Rick asked, confused. "Is that a real woman?"

Mike jerked awake at the sound of Rick's voice. He glared at him. "How dare you question that, Rick," Mike replied, outraged, "she's my girlfriend."

"Is it?" Said Rick, unconvinced. He took a step forward, looking at the woman closely.

"No," Mike said agitatedly. "What was it you wanted?" He sighed.

"I thought not – 'cause it's an inflatable woman, isn't it?" Rick giggled irritatingly.

Mike didn't answer.

"Does that mean you're still a virgin?" Asked Rick, with a snort.

"Of course not – just get on with it Rick." He said firmly, although he didn't think that Rick believed him.

"Neil's taking us to Centerparcs!" Rick screamed, the excitement overwhelming him.

"That's great Rick, but please remember, it is a Sunday morning and some of us would appreciate a lie in."

"Of course, Mike, sorry Mike." Rick scuttled out of the large and very empty room.

"Well, as you've awoken me I think I'll make a start on the Sunday papers." Mike said cheerfully. He climbed out of his bed and walked down the two flights of stairs in his pink teddy bear pyjamas, with Rick following close behind.

Mike picked up the huge stack of newspapers and staggered into the drawing room. He dropped the pile on the floor and sat at the kitchen table. Picking up the first one, he began to read.

Rick walked over to the hob and, as he noticed the empty kettle, he screamed at the top of his voice, "Neil! Neil, were's our tea?!"

"Why don't you try, maybe, like, making it yourself, Rick?" Neil yelled from upstairs.

"You think I should make the tea, do you, Neil? But if my memory's correct, and I'm very sure that it is, you always make the tea – SO MAKE OUR TEA FOR CLIFF'S SAKE!" Rick screamed the last part with all his might.

"Do you want me to be all, like, kind, even though you're so heavy, and take you to Centerparcs, Rick?" Called Neil.

That shut Rick up.

"I'm very sorry, Neil, I'll, I'll make the tea." Rick said sycophantically, sighing under his breath.

Neil punched the air with triumph, narrowly missing Vyvyan's head as he walked out of the bathroom, his freshly polished forehead studs gleaming. Despite this, Vyvyan just carried on walking and went back into his tip of a bedroom. He hadn't made his bed and his dirty clothes and underwear were strewn across the bare floorboards. There was a large hole in one corner, and in another his hamster Special Patrol Group's cage sat on the only remaining piece of carpet.

Vyvyan was clearly being very lazy, for he went over to the hole and jumped down, landing next to the fridge – scaring Mike and Rick awfully as he did so.

Mike managed to rip the newspaper he was reading in half as his hands jerked apart and Rick dropped the almost full bottle of milk on the floor at his feet, sending milk and glass skidding across the dirty lino. He jumped backwards as milk sprayed his bare feet and glared at Vyvyan.

"Why can't anyone in this house be normal?" Rick thought aloud. He then spoke to the scowling Vyvyan, "There is a staircase, y'know, Vyvyan. Could you maybe use it the next time you want to come downstairs and not just jump through that ridiculous hole?" Rick asked, actually sounding mature for once.

"But my way's easier." Vyvyan replied.

"Guys, could you, like, shut up for a moment, please?" asked Neil, who, until now, the others hadn't noticed, as he sat on the old red sofa. "I've found the Sunday omnibus of, you'll never guess what, right, of 'Bastard Squad'."

The others shut up and came to sit down with Neil. As Rick was last, he sat, moaning, on the rickety chair.

"This's Monday's one." Explained Neil. "We missed it when Rick had gastroenteritis, remember?" He certainly remembered the awful palaver when Vyvyan discovered, using his medical textbook, that Rick had gastroenteritis, and they had to rush him to the doctors: Vyvyan had almost crashed the car; Mike got slapped when he tried to chat up the receptionist; Rick had a very embarrassing consultation in which he had to take off his shirt whilst the male doctor prodded his sore abdomen; and Neil got even more depressed then usual when he was forced into Vyvyan by a shoving crowd and Vyvyan had been very nasty to him. When they got home that night, they found that they'd missed 'Bastard Squad', Neil had to clean the toilet after Rick had been in there – which was unpleasant to say the least -, and they had to force a screaming Rick to take his medication. As he wasn't in hospital, it was obvious to Neil that Rick had only a mild case, and was back to his spoilt, obnoxious and downright rude self by Thursday. Neil shuddered at the memory.

"It wasn't gastr- gastro-" Rick began.

"Gastroenteritis." Interjected Vyvyan, pronouncing the medical jargon with ease.

"It wasn't gast-ro-en-te-ri-tis," Rick repeated, breaking down the long word so he could enunciate it. "It was just a stomach upset. You know me – I always have a runny bottom." Rick gave a nervous laugh and hoped that they'd believe his obvious bluff.

"Liar!" Said Vyvyan, shattering Rick's hopes of no questions asked. "Three reasons: one, you had all of the symptoms of gastroenteritis; two, you're medication said 'for patients with gastroenteritis'; and three, you were screaming in agony and had the worst diarrhoea in the history of the world – both of which only happen when you have it. So," Vyvyan paused, grinning cruelly, "Rick's a baby – he had to go to the doctors for a 'wunny bottom'." He said, copying Rick's speech impediment. Mike, Vyvyan and Neil all started laughing – but Rick didn't.

"NO I DIDN'T!" Rick screamed, and an all day argument erupted, meaning that all of them would be skipping university the next day, and that they missed 'Bastard Squad' for the second time.


	2. Chapter 2: Friday morning

Chapter 2 - Friday morning

Three weeks went by, and on Friday morning, the four students were excited – and also hacked off that they still had to spend six hours at Scumbag College before they could go to Centerparcs.

Mike was busy packing his Speedo and all of, what he thought were, his sexy clothes into his suitcase. He didn't bother to pack for university, for he was going to travel there with the others, but then skive – like he usually did.

Vyvyan was struggling to cram all of his filthy clothes into a black bin liner, and to pack his tatty and partially destroyed books into his ripped satchel. SPG squeaked in his cage and Vyvyan put him upon his bed with his bin bag, so he would remember him later.

Neil had finished packing his very small amount of clothing and placing his books in his string bag, and was busy painting his new astrological star chart. This was the fifth one that he'd made since they moved in, for they had all been destroyed in various ways, including: being burned by Vyvyan, ripped to shreds by Rick, and obliterated by Mike every time loaned money had not been paid back to him.

Rick was rushing around his bedroom, completely freaking out when he couldn't find his sociology essay. His slightly girly looking pink and white striped bag lay open on his bed and Rick crammed several pairs of trousers, socks and pants, as well as shirts, his jacket, his swimming trunks and his pyjamas, into it. He then struggled down the stairs with armfuls of books, essays and pens in a tall pile, which was balanced precariously in his arms. He'd almost reached the hall when Vyvyan barged past him, with Mike and Neil following close behind, overbalancing him and sending his stuff flying.

Screaming insults at Vyvyan, Rick picked up all of his things and crammed them into his old school bag that, for some reason, was hanging from the knob on the end of the banister. Thinking about it a bit more, it became obvious to Rick that the reason was Vyvyan pissing around with his private property.

Meanwhile, Mike was playing his favourite game of 'she loves me, she loves me lots' with the corn flakes; Vyvyan was covering his bowlful with ketchup; and Neil was hunting through the depths of the foul fridge for the bottle of milk. Wandering into the kitchen, Rick grabbed the ketchup from Vyvyan's hands.

"That's my ketchup, Vyvyan, so give up on trying to put it on your corn flakes – because it belongs to me. And an-" Bored with Rick's ranting, Vyvyan smacked him across the face with his filthy hand, knocking Rick backwards into the fridge door. The door slammed shut, trapping Neil inside the fridge.

Not surprisingly, Rick and Vyvyan ignored the suffocating Neil, and it wasn't until Mike went to the fridge thirty seconds later to hunt for the milk that Neil was able to emerge, gasping for air.

Despite his lack of breath, the first thing that usually organised Neil said was: "Guys, we're, like, going to be late" as he looked at his wristwatch.

"Honestly, Neil, you're such a smarmy goody goody, aren't you?" Rick said provocatively, with a snort.

"No, I'm not, actually, Rick." Neil replied moodily, looking hurt.

"But you don't want to be late for uni and get told off - just like a girl." Rick pressed, enjoying winding up the hippie.

"How do you know what a girl thinks about university, Rick, they never talk to you?" Vyvyan added, shutting the anarchist up. (Neil looked grateful, and proceeded to back away from Rick until he was at a safe distance). He then grinned mischievously, "Which is why you're still a virgin."

Rick almost reeled at Vyvyan's words, his eyes widening as they sunk in; Neil and Mike knew what was about to happen, so, for their own safety, grabbed their bags and ran out of the front door. They were halfway down the road when a scream of "I AM NOT A VIRGIN!" burst from inside the house, followed only seconds later by an explosion and a chant of "VIRGIN! VIRGIN!". Curiosity getting the better of them, Mike and Neil turned around, and, seeing a terrified Rick hurtling towards them with Vyvyan, carrying his howitzer above his head, just behind him, they spun on their heels and broke into a frantic run, only stopping for breath when they reached the University's campus, which, for a few, idiotic seconds, they thought was safe.

The other students just glanced at Mike and Neil, for they were used to the three other members of that shared house running away from the aggressive punk that they lived with. But when Rick and Vyvyan appeared, Mike, Neil and every other student dived for cover inside a lecture hall, and even the professors didn't attempt to stop the punk from potentially killing Rick - which was partially down to the fact they were terrified of Vyvyan, but also because they hated Rick.

With all his might, Vyvyan screamed, "Prick is a VIRGIN!", which managed to provoke a few laughs for the nervous students, before aiming his howitzer straight at the anarchists' head. "I'll give you one more chance, Rick." Vyvyan said.

"No - I'm not a virgin, Vyvyan." Rick pleaded desperately.

"Oh, well, it was shit knowing you, Rick." Vyvyan said, before counting down from three and firing the weapon at the sobbing anarchist. It missed, however, which was lucky for Rick but, judging by his grumpy face, wasn't lucky for the punk. With an irritated sigh, Vyvyan threw the howitzer right off of the campus, smacked Rick around the face, and sauntered into the lecture hall as if nothing had just happened.

It may have seemd sureeal, but this was just another day at Scumbag College, much to the dismay of the still snivelling anarchist, but to the amusedmet of almost everyone else.


	3. Chapter 3: Friday Afternoon

Chapter 3 – Friday afternoon.

University couldn't have been slower for the three students who actually attended it that day, and they all got yelled at for not paying attention. When they fled back home after the bell went, Neil ran through a quick checklist:

"Ok, guys, seriously, like, SHUT UP!" Neil screamed. Rick and Vyvyan, shocked, instantly stopped arguing about whose bag was the most gay and turned to face a very red Neil. None of them had ever heard him shout like that before.

"This is very important, guys." Said Neil, calming down. "We need to do a checklist so we don't have to, like, turn around and come, like all the way back to get something." He took a deep breath. "Food, check. Swimming trunks?"

"Check." They all said together.

"Clothes?"

"Check."

"Unfortunately," Neil sighed. "SPG?"

"Check." Said Vyvyan, holding up the cage and revealing his sleeping hamster.

"Good, so, like, let's go!" Announced Neil, with a cheer.

They all hurried out to Vyvyan's yellow Ford Anglia which had painted flames up its sides – they showed Vyvyan's personality well, for they were fiery, just like him.

Vyvyan let Mike sit in the passenger seat and sat in the driver's seat himself.

"But Vyv, all the luggage is, like, blocking up the boot." Protested Neil, standing next to the car.

"Look, Neil, just get in, there's room – look, Rick's in already." Said Vyvyan irritably, pointing at a scowling Rick, who was squashed in backwards with SPG's cage in front of him so he couldn't stretch out his legs. Neil, hesitantly, climbed in, shutting the boot door behind him. Vyvyan started the car, and off they went.

"Isn't this exciting?" Said Rick, bouncing up and down with anticipation.

"Stop it Rick. You'll knacker my suspension." Complained Vyvyan.

"It's already knackered." Rick replied. "Hey!" He said as an idea popped into his head. "Let's sing! 'Everybody needs a summer holiday'" He sang. "'Peace and qui'- OW, Vyvyan!" He yelled as Vyvyan smacked his head in.

"My car, my rules," said Vyvyan as he turned back to face the road "and I say no Cliff Richard songs."

"Well, could you put the radio on? I'm bored." Moaned Rick.

"But we've only been driving for ten minutes, Rick." Said Mike, astonished.

"I'm still bored." Rick decided to pass the time by sleeping, his head leaning on a stack of bags to his left.

The car drew up next to a blue range rover at the next set of traffic lights and Mike leaned out of his window to talk to the driver – a blonde woman.

"Hello love, I'm Mike." He announced. The woman said something very rude and sped away as soon as the lights turned green.

"Rude." Muttered Mike and he, too, decided to nod off.

"Ummmmmmmmmm..." droned Neil as he began to meditate, his eyes closed. "...mmm..."

"Neil, please shut up – do I need to add another rule onto the 'my car, my rules' list?" asked an agitated Vyvyan, still facing the road, Mike's sleeping head nodding on his shoulder.

"...mmmmmm..." continued Neil, not listening to a word anyone said.

"I'm bloody sick of this." Vyvyan thought aloud as he stopped at a massive queue on the motorway. "Neil, for God's sake, will you just SHUT THE HELL UP YOU STUPID HIPPIE!" Vyvyan roared, and he turned in his seat, picked up an empty bottle from behind Rick and smashed it over the top of Neil's head. Glass shards flew all around the car and Neil stopped 'umming' as he slumped backwards, totally unconscious.

Vyvyan turned back around, grinning triumphantly, and, after adjusting the head of the somehow still sleeping Mike – which had fallen onto Vyvyan's lap when he had turned around - by making it lean against the left window, he began to drive again as the queue subsided. He chuckled to himself as he realised that the rest of the journey was going to be calm and Rick and Neil free.

* * *

Neil came around just as the car was pulling up to a booth at the Elverdeen Forest check in point. Through the strange fog partially obscuring his vision, Neil could see Rick stretching and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Mike fumbling with a mound of documents that were practically falling out of the dashboard, and Vyvyan having a shouting match with a very loud Welsh-sounding woman.

"...I don't care what you say; we have a villa booked, so if...!" Vyvyan continued to shout his mouth off as Neil leaned out of Vyvyan's window. The fog instantly cleared as Neil breathed in the fresh air of the forest and breathed out the musty air from Vyvyan's disgusting car.

"...but the villa that you speak is booked with the name Neil Pye..." The woman continued, talking instead of shouting now she saw Neil's head.

"Hello," he said, head sticking completely out of the window, "I'm Neil Pye. The villa was, like, booked by my parents - Mr and Mrs Pye – but they, like, booked it for me and my girlfriend - "

"Who's ill." Cut in Mike, handing over all the documents that the woman had previously requested.

"Yeah." Continued Neil. "So I phoned ahead and changed the arrangements – bringing my three friends instead – but I've, like, still got the same villa." Neil was thoroughly confused – why hadn't she known that?

The woman tried to hand over the keys, but before Neil could take them, Vyvyan grabbed them and sped the car towards the car park.

The road was awfully bumpy, and Vyvyan driving at thirty miles an hour (instead of five miles per hour) made the car rock like a boat.

Rick curled up, beginning to groan, and Mike turned very pale as Vyvyan drove them along. He laughed loudly as they went over a pothole, which made the car the car bounce and everyone fly up about three inches into the air. This made Neil, whose head was only three inches below the ceiling, smash his skull against the hard metal. He fell back in his seat, out of it completely.

Rick swallowed the vomit that had risen up his throat and spoke in a very shaky voice that made him sound six years old. "Vyvyan, I-I think I feel sick." He clutched his abdomen as his stomach cramped violently, and heaved, clapping his hand over his mouth.

"Rick, I can assure you, that if you puke in my car – I'll kill you." Said Vyvyan, threateningly, into his cracked rear-view mirror. Luckily for Rick, he pulled into a space in the car park, and the bouncing and rocking stopped.

Climbing out of the car, Vyvyan fumbled around in the boot for his stuff, which woke up a woozy Neil, who slid out, feeling instantly better out of the heat.

Mike opened his door and stepped straight into an extremely brown puddle, swearing violently as he did so. He forgot about his nausea as he jumped about, flicking the muddy water off of his new white leather shoes.

That left Rick. Slowly, he took hold of his bag with shaking hands, and then struggled out of the Ford Anglia. After staggering no more than three steps away from the car, he was suddenly overwhelmed by nausea and doubled over, groaning. Opening his mouth, Rick was violently sick into a bush, making revolting retching sounds as he repeatedly vomited, waves of nausea stabbing his stomach again and again. When he had finally finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, feeling very weak and shivery. He wished that he really was six years old and for his mother to find him, telling him soothingly that it was alright as she mopped him up. She would then take him to his bedroom, tucking him up in his bed as he wore his pyjamas. Rick would imagine that the aeroplanes on his wallpaper were real and that he was flying around and around as he sipped from a bottle of Lucozade, really beginning to enjoy being ill...

But unfortunately for Rick, reality is often nothing like daydreaming. He picked up his bag from where he'd dropped it and hurried after the others, his legs wobbling like jelly.

* * *

After a long, long trek around Centerparcs following the supposedly great map reader Mike, they found the villa that they'd been looking for – number 823 in the Maple section. They all rushed up the path eagerly, Neil snatching the keys from Vyvyan's hands before unlocking the door, and hurried inside.

They were all so shocked as they stared around the villa that Rick and Vyvyan didn't immediately rush off to find the bedrooms like they normally did – they just stood in the hallway, astonished by how awful it looked. It was small and quite dark in the twilight, with disgusting creamy-yellow paint on the walls, and the television was tiny – barely ten inches wide.

"Where's the video, Neil?" Vyvyan asked uncertainly, his eyes darting around the room as he tried to locate the VCR.

"There isn't one, Vyv." Neil mumbled, hoping that Vyvyan wasn't going to go into a full-scale freak-out. But, unfortunately for Neil, he did.

"What do you mean?" Said Vyvyan, his voice steadily increasing in volume. "What was the point of me bringing all of my video nasties if I can't stay up all night, with Mike, and watch loads of gore and violence and sex?!" He was shouting by now, his rage visible on his face.

"Well, you couldn't actually, like, stay up all night in here because, like, this is my bedroom." Neil's change in subject worked, for Vyvyan stopped shouting and looked around the room instead.

"Why, don't you have a room?" He asked confused.

"No, Vyv," Neil took a deep breath, "because this villa only has, like, two bedrooms – one with a double bed and one with two singles – so I'm using the sofa bed and-" He was cut off by Rick and Vyvyan screaming "WHAT!" at the top of their voices.

"Yeah, I know." Said Neil, and he explained it all over again. As Rick and Vyvyan stood, frowning, in front of the TV, listen to Neil, Mike began to creep over to the double bedroom. It wasn't until they heard Mike slam the door that Rick and Vyvyan realised that they were going to have to share a bedroom.

Vyvyan swore at Mike and moaned, "Great, Rick's possibly the worst roommate ever." He turned to Neil, "Wow, Neil, thanks, this really is the best bedroom arrangement ever." He said sarcastically.

A very grumpy Vyvyan stomped through the kitchen into his shared bedroom with a huffy Rick, who had his hands on his waist, bag dangling from his left wrist, and his eyebrows raised in irritation, following close behind. They were appalled when they saw that the beds were so close together that they were actually touching, and, because of the positioning of the built in bedside tables, that they were unable to push them apart, for it would be like sharing a bed – which neither of them wanted.

Unlike Rick, who stayed in the bedroom to unpack his clothes, Vyvyan just dumped his stuff on the bed furthest from the massive window and went into the living room to try out the TV.

Meanwhile, Neil was rushing around the kitchen preparing lentils for the next day and setting four places at the dining table. He put out a very disgusting bowl of soup at each place and called the others over.

The soup was meant to be tomato but looked just like a bowl of watered-down tomato ketchup – which made Mike heave at the sight of it, for he loved tomato soup but couldn't stand ketchup. Vyvyan took one look at the bowl of ketchup-water and walked back to the sofa, pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket.

But Rick, who had lost his lunch, which he'd eaten up Scumbag College, when he'd thrown up, was so hungry that he sat down and began to eat Neil's foul concoction. He grimaced at the taste but continued to shovel it into his mouth. Even Neil didn't eat it and Rick ended up eating enough for four people – making him feel queasy yet again.

When Rick left the table and went to sit with the others, Neil stood up and faced an agitated- looking Mike, a bored – looking Vyvyan and a very pale Rick and said: "Hey, guys, who wants to, like, go swimming?" When they all ignored him, he added: "There are flumes," which caught Vyvyan's attention, "and, like, lots of girls." This made Rick and Mike perk up and they all three grabbed their stuff and were out of the door before Neil had even finished speaking.


	4. Chapter 4: Friday Evening

Chapter 4 - Friday Evening

The Sports Plaza was heaving with people and the four students had to fight their way through the crowd to get to the Subtropical Swimming Paradise.

"Flipping heck, that was hard work!" Exclaimed Rick. He paused, taking a deep breath. "Where're the changing rooms?" He asked, looking around, but before anyone could answer, a door with a male symbol on it caught his eye, and he headed towards it, saying: "Oh, the cubicles must be through here, look." He pointed at the door.

Neil, Vyvyan and Mike followed Rick and all four were horrified when what they found were communal male changing rooms.

"Oh, no." Mumbled Rick. He turned to leave, but was stopped by a man dragging a boy – who was no more than ten years old – through the doorway.

"But Dad," the boy moaned, "there's no privacy – I'm not going in." He said firmly.

"Look," his father replied calmly, "there's nowhere else, this is where we have to get changed. You don't have to worry – no one's going to look at you."

"A paedo might." The boy muttered.

"Just come on." His father said irritably.

The boy hesitantly went and dumped his stuff in the only place left, which was next to Vyvyan. He took one look at Vyvyan, who was standing there stark naked as he tried to put on his trunks, and ran out of the changing rooms, his father close on his tail.

By this point, Mike was sitting on a bench in his Speedo, with Neil beside him, his grey, knee-length trunks hanging loosely off of his skinny legs. Vyvyan pulled his tight black trunks on fully and went to join the other two – but then he noticed Rick.

Rick was standing, still wearing his shirt, with his towel wrapped around his waist as he struggled to undress without showing too much of his body. Vyvyan, deciding to be hateful, crept up behind Rick and jabbed his fingers into Rick's ribs, making him jump violently and drop the towel, exposing his bare bottom. He quickly picked up the towel and rewrapped it around himself – but not before everyone in the whole room saw him and started laughing. After hurriedly pulling up his navy knee length swimming shorts, he shuffled over to the others – who were still laughing their heads off - , snivelling as he went.

"Stop crying, Rick." Said Mike as he stood up and moved towards the exit of the changing rooms, his arms full of his clothes.

"I'm not crying." Rick mumbled, wiping his eyes fiercely with his scrunched up shirt. "See?" He looked around and, when he noticed that the others had already left, scuttled out of the room.

* * *

When Rick found them, Mike, Neil and Vyvyan were unsuccessfully trying to get their towels and clothes into a locker without them immediately falling out.

"Ah, there you are, Rick," Mike said as he noticed Rick, whose eyes were bright red – which strange in his white, sweaty face, "We could use another pair of hands."

With Rick's help, they finally managed to shut the door with all of their stuff on the inside – which was when it occurred to them that they needed a £1 coin to lock their things in.

"Oh great, now what are we going to do?" Rick cried over dramatically before being silenced by Vyvyan.

"We don't need to do anything, so just shut up, Rick."

"Good point, Vyv." Neil added. "Who'd want to,like, steal our stuff anyway – it's all filthy." The others nodded in agreement.

They all walked away from their unlocked locker and headed down to the swimming pool.

* * *

"Now, I didn't say that, Vyvyan." Said a clearly scared Rick.

"Yes you did – you said that you didn't want to go on the rapids, because you're scared." Vyvyan replied, a cruel smile on his face.

The four of them were standing in the waist deep water of the outdoor pool and, whilst Neil and Mike moaned impatiently, Vyvyan was trying to get Rick to go on the rapids - but Rick was refusing point blank to do so.

"No, I said I didn't want to do it because – because..." Rick struggled to think up a response.

"Come on, guys, lets, like, go!" Neil begged.

Rick came up with an excuse after a while. "...because I'm not a strong swimmer." He pointed to a big sign beside the entrance to the rapids. One of the symbols was an exclamation mark which had a caption below it, which read: 'Not suitable for weak swimmers.'

"But you're a, like, really strong swimmer, Rick, 'cause you, like, managed to swim the wrong way, like, the whole way, round the lazy river, which is, like, really strong because of the current." Said Neil.

"Yeah, you heard, poof." Vyvyan added smugly, "You're a strong swimmer, so get down there now."

Poor Rick was terrified and was so anxious that he repeatedly bit the knuckle of his forefinger, unknowingly showing Vyvyan the extent of his fear. When he still didn't move, Vyvyan grabbed Rick roughly by the arm and hauled him down the slope into the rapids, with Mike and Neil following close behind.

At first it was calm and no worse than the lazy river, so Rick let his guard down and actually began to enjoy himself. They were slowly slept into a perfectly still pool, which they swam through. But as they rejoined the proper raids, they went down a steep slope and were met by a really strong current that whizzed them along at an immense speed.

"Woo...!" Vyvyan screamed as he was sped along. Mike was laughing and even Neil had a huge grin on his face.

But Rick was terrified and screamed whenever he went under. One time he screamed underwater and began to choke; he was so scared that he was going to drown that when Vyvyan reluctantly pulled him back up, tears were running down his face as he coughed up mouthfuls of chlorinated water.

"God, Rick, you're such a poof." Vyvyan complained with a sigh, before whooping again as he went down another steep slope.

After thirty more seconds of zooming through the rapids, the four students were dumped into a small swimming pool that immediately pulled Vyvyan and Rick underwater with its powerful undercurrents. Vyvyan surfaced, his soaking wet hair stuck flat to his head, laughing with joy. His laughter doubled in volume as he noticed Rick thrashing around in the water, shrieking in terror. He ended up being dragged out of the water by an agitated male lifeguard, who shoved Rick down onto the slippery tiles and Mike's feet, before storming off and sitting back in his chair. Rick was howling, his eyes streaming with tears, his nose running, his face flushed bright red, and although he wiped his face on the back of his hand, Rick couldn't stop trembling.

"That was amazing, it was just like being on a power boat it was so fast!" Vyvyan exclaimed excitedly, his muscles trembling after his adrenaline rush, causing Rick to groan loudly and clutch his stomach. Noticing Rick's reaction, Vyvyan grinned cruelly and set out to make Rick feel as ill as possible, "It was just like rocking from side to side as you bounce around on the rough sea-"

Rick, much to Vyvyan's delight, heaved, the colour draining from his face, cheeks bulging, before swallowing the vomit in his mouth and stammering, "I-I need to use the lavatory.", and hurrying off to the toilets, where he stayed for a long time.

* * *

Mike was honestly starting to believe that the staircase was going on forever. He'd been climbing the steps to the white slide with Vyvyan and Neil for ten minutes now – which was down to the fact that about thirty children had been in front of him when he and the others had joined the queue. The queue suddenly moved and Mike stepped up onto the top platform. He could see the whole place from up there and it made Mike feel like he was on top of the world. The two people at the top of the slide slid down with two happy shrieks, and then it was Mike's turn to face the slide. He took the left one and Neil the right.

"Give us a push, Vyv." Neil begged as the gripped the bar at his head level, trembling in anticipation.

"Ok." Vyvyan grabbed Neil's head and pushed him down the slide, as Mike also went down, feeling very glad that he hadn't asked Vyvyan to push him. Neil smacked his head hard into the bar as he slid at an immense speed, before shooting off the end of the slide into the landing area. Vyvyan followed immediately after pushing Neil and splashed onto him, pulling them both underwater. Just after they surfaced, Mike crashed into the landing area and sent a massive tidal wave over Neil and Vyvyan.

The three of them couldn't stop laughing whenever they thought about the white slide for the rest of the night.

* * *

"That was great-"began an excitable Vyvyan as they all walked away from the Sports Plaza.

"Was it?" Cut in Rick, who'd spent a whole hour in the toilets, getting scared when the floor began to squirt water as it cleaned itself and repeatedly vomiting all over it before finally getting his head over the toilet bowl.

"Yes it was, Rick," Vyvyan continued, "it's not my fault that you were too poofy to enjoy it."

"I was NOT being poofy, Vyvyan – and, anyway, it was your fault actually, because you were the one who made me go on the rapids, which, if you recall, made me feel really ill!" Rick protested aggressively, glaring at Vyvyan.

"Poof." Vyvyan muttered under his breath.

Before any massive arguments could erupt, Neil spoke, "Should we, like, go again tomorrow, guys?"

Mike and Vyvyan both nodded enthusiastically, whist Rick scowled, shaking his head.

They arrived back at the villa and, after Neil had unlocked the door, Rick and Vyvyan immediately began to moan as they remembered the sleeping arrangements. But they only did so half- heartedly, for they were utterly exhausted, a rarity as Vyvyan and Rick were almost always hyperactive.

* * *

The villa was silent as the four students tried to sleep in their unfamiliar beds. But just as Rick was about to drop off, something occurred to him and he crept into the living room in his underwear, where Neil was laying wide awake.

"Neil?" Rick whispered a look of confusion on his tired face. "What did you mean earlier when you said that I swam the wrong way around the lazy river?" When Neil didn't respond, he hissed "Neil!" with a lot more aggression.

Neil moaned sleepily as he realised that this was going to take a lot of explaining.


	5. Chapter 5: Saturday morning

Chapter 5 - Saturday Morning

"No way." Rick protested as he sat eating corn flakes at the dining table.

"Why not, Rick, it'll be great." Said Neil, disappointed by Rick's lack of enthusiasm.

"Yeah - I love heights! I've always wanted to try the leap of faith!" Vyvyan grinned excitedly, but as he looked at Rick his expression hardened, "Or are you just too much of a poof to tr-"

"Alright, alright, I'll go." Rick muttered, sighing reluctantly.

Neil's parents, when booking the villa, had decided to book their son a few activities to do as well. The trouble was deciding who was going to do what. Mike and Neil were going to do 'World Of Spa', and Vyvyan was thoroughly pleased about doing 'High Ropes: Leap Of Faith'. However, he wasn't looking forwards to doling so with Rick.

"You don't have to, like, completely freak out about it, Rick, because you're going to br fine." Neil said, trying to be reassuring. After being called a bastard and being told to piss off by Rick, Neil turned to Mike, who was staring into space. "Mike?" He asked, "What's, like, exactly in a spa?"

"I don't know, Neil, but it seems that you'll be finding out very soon."

"Oh yeah, sorry, Mike." Neil mumbled apologetically.

As soon as they had finished eating, the four students headed out to their very different activities.

* * *

"You know, Mike" Neil said as he sat opposite Mike in one of the many steam rooms at the World Of Spa. "I thought this would be all, like, gay and girly, but its not - its really relaxing."

Mike smiled warmly, peering at Neil's happy face through the steam, "For once, Neil, I think I have to agree with you, this really is relaxing."

But Neil and Mike failed to notice that everyone else in the steam room couldn't relax - they were crowded as far away as they could from the pair of young men, who were giving off a foul stench of unwashed student.

Neil yawned and stretched, "I wonder what Vyv and Rick are doing right now?"

"Y'know," Mike said, wiping his sweaty brow with his shirt, "Despite all his moaning, I bet you Rick's having the time of his life."

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rick screamed in terror. He had managed to climb the thirty foot pole, but had got stuck as he tried to haul himself up onto the standing platform, and was now clinging on desperately with his hands, his legs dangling.

"Look, don't worry, Rick." The instructor called from the ground.

"Yes, Rick, worrying is VERY POOFY!" Vyvyan yelled.

"You're not helping, y'know, Vyvyan!" Rick shouted, screaming again as the wind blew, making the pole wobble alarmingly.

"Just try to stay calm. Would you like me to get you down?" The instructor asked.

"Yes please." Rick closed his eyes as the constant swaying was making him feel sick, groaning softly.

"Ok, if you want to come down, you need to listen to me carefully, do you understand?" The instructor said calmly, but firmly.

"Otherwise you'll be stuck up there forever!" Vyvyan taunted.

The instructor ignored Vyvyvan, and tried to get through to Rick, who was clinging to the pole as if he couldn't let go. "Ok, Rick, I need you to put your hands on your harness -"

"What?!" Rick shouted, "If I let go of the pole, I'll - I'll fall!"

The instructor sighed. "No you won't, you'll be fine. Just take your hand off of the pole and grip your harness."

Rick took a deep breath before grabbing hold of his harness, but he screamed as he swung round and smashed his head and back into the blocks of wood jutting out of the wooden pole.

"Grow. Up. You. Poof." Vyvyan called, pronouncing every syllable separately, as if he was speaking to an idiot.

"Will you just GO AWAY, Vyvyan?!" Rick roared.

As the pair of them argued, the instructor lowered Rick to the ground.

"No, I'm not allowed to leave - the instructor told me to stand here!" Vyvyan yelled back.

"You are being VERY inconsiderate, Vyvyvan. You do realise that I'm suspended in midair and may, at any minute, fall to my dea- oh." Rick stopped ranting as his feet hit the wood bark, and he overbalanced, falling backwards onto his bottom. He was surprised, and more that a little bit suspicious, when Vyvyan offered him his hand to help him up. Rick warily took Vyvyan's hand, and Vyvyan pulled until Rick was almost upright, before letting go of him. Rick hit the ground with a thud.

"First you hurt my feelings, and now you've hurt my bottom!" Rick moaned, but he struggled out of his harness and sat sulkily on the bench, hating Vyvyvan and wishing that he had never agreed to do this stupid activity.

* * *

"Y'know, Mike, I bet that Vyv's, like, really good at the leap of faith." Neil said as they walked out of the steam room, dripping with sweat.

Mike wasn't listening to Neil - not that he usually did, he tended to zone out whenever the boring hippy talked to him - but at the moment he was pondering why they had two activities booked at the same time, when Neil's parents had presumed that only two people were coming.

"Mike?" Neil repeated uncertainly, waving his hand in front of Mike's face, making him jump.

Mike told Neil what he was thinking about and the hippy replied, somewhat reluctantly, "Well, you see, my parents wanted me and my girlfriend to have a choice, so we could pick what we felt like doing." He explained, looking embarrassed.

"But these activities cost an arm and a leg!" Mike exclaimed, sounding shocked, but also impressed.

"Do they Mike? I didn't know that." Neil replied, taking him seriously.

Mike sighed at that, "Not really you wally - it was a figure of speech." He paused, but his curiosity got the better of him. "But how did they afford four activities a day?"

"Well..." Neil mumbled awkwardly, blushing slightly, "They have quite a lot, well more than quite a lot, actually, of money." Before Mike could reply, Neil, who wanted to change the conversation, looked up and read the sign on the door in front of him, "Sauna. Mike, what's a sauna?"

"Instead of asking me, Neil, why don't you try going in to find out?" Mike suggested, sounding agitated.

"Alright - don't get uncool and heavy." Neil muttered, pushing open the door to the sauna. The wave of heat that escaped from the room hit Neil in the face like a club, turning his sweaty face scarlet, and making it hard for him to breathe, "I'm not sure that I want to go in here, Mike." He said over his shoulder.

"Why ever not, Neil?" Mike asked, pushing past Neil and walking through the doorway. "Bloody hell, it's hot in here!" He exclaimed as he, too, was hit by the searing heat. "Let's go somewhere else." He said hurriedly, and he and Neil hurried awa from the awful sauna. They headed towards the swimming pool, but Mike got distracted as they walked past the toilets.

"Can you wait here a minute, Neil?" Mike asked, and he walked towards the men's toilets, before spinning on his heels and heading towards the ladies instead. His hands were on the door when Neil hissed at him,

"Mike, Mike, those are the ladies toilets."

Turning to face the hippy, Mike spoke with an expression on his face that showed he thought Neil was a complete idiot, "I know!" and he walked straight into the ladies lavatory.

The door slammed shut, but only five seconds later, Mike was flung back out, high-pitched voices screaming abuse at him from inside the toilets. Despite this, Mike was grinning in a 'I'm satisfied now I've been a pervert' sort of way. He turned to look at Neil, who was trying, unsuccessfully, not to look impressed.

"What was it like?" Neil asked, being as nosy as he always was.

"Y'know, Neil, it was actually pretty boring."

"Why?"

"Because none of them had the decency to be naked."

The impressed look vanished from Neil's face. "Let's just, like, go before anyone sees us - we don't want to, like, get into trouble."

"You really are the most boring person I've ever been unfortunate to meet, d'you know that, Neil?" Mike said cruelly, but he said it in such a tone of voice that he could have been asking Neil for the time. Even so he followed the hippy to the pool, where they stayed for the rest of the session.


	6. Chapter 6: Saturday Afternoon

Chapter 6 - Saturday Afternoon

"You should have seen him, Michael," Vyvyan laughed, addressing Mike formally, which showed he was in a good mood. "He was such a GIRL - he kept crying and screaming and was too scared to move!"

For the last ten minutes, Vyvyan had been telling Mike and Neil about Rick's disastrous attempt at the Leap of Faith, and Rick was laying flat on the sofa, rubbing his throbbing head after being hit by Vyvyan - he had called the punk a bloody bastard for making him sound like a wimp. Mike found the whole story hilarious, but Neil, who still found the idea of Rick getting stuck funny, couldn't help feeling sorry for Rick, for he was red in the face from trying not to cry.

"Would you like some lentils, Rick?" Neil asked softly, wanting to cheer up the anarchist, for he thought Vyvyan was being unnecessarily cruel to Rick.

Rick looked up, and glared at the hippie, "No, I would NOT like some of your bloody disgusting lentils." He snapped. "So piss off, you bloody hippie!"

"Alright, don't get uncool and heavy." Neil muttered defensively, sighing.

He went back over to the table, where Vyvyan was eating lentils with a grimace on his face.

"So what are the options for this afternoon, Neil." Mike asked, pushing his lentils way from him.

"It IS the afternoon!" Rick shouted pointlessly.

Mike ignored him. "Well?" he pressed as Neil didn't answer.

"Oh, yeah." Neil mumbled, snapping out of a daydream, fishing a piece of paper out of his pocket. "At one, we have quad biking or kayaking."

"Can I do, kayaking - oh, please, can I do kayaking?" Rick cried excitedly, suddenly in a good mood, bouncing on the sofa.

"I quite fancy quad biking, Neil." Mike said, smiling slightly as he thought about it.

"Yeah, me too." Neil agreed, a rare look of excitement on his face. His smile faded as he realised what that meant, "But that means..." his voice tailed off. Rick, Mike and Neil all turned to face Vyvyan, who wasn't listening.

"What?" He said when he noticed them all staring at him. "Oh, no," he muttered as he realised what was going on. "It's not fair! Why do I always end up with that bogey bum? No way!" He shouted firmly, folding his arms.

* * *

"I hate you, do you know that?" Vyvyan muttered bitterly as he and Rick sat in a kayak in the middle of the large, deep lake. Rick was sat in the back seat, struggling to use a right-handed paddle, but he seemed to be enjoying the experience, as he was the only one bothering to paddle. Upon hearing Vyvyan's seventh spiteful comment, Rick was getting thoroughly annoyed with the punk, and, using his paddle as a scoop, tipped water all over Vyvyan's lap.

Vyvyan had been slumped in the front seat, feet sticking out in front of him, arms over the sides, hands trailing in the water, but the moment Rick splashed him with water, Vyvyan jumped in shock, making the kayak wobble alarmingly. "You stupid bastard, Rick!" He yelled, attempting to turn around in his seat, the kayak still rocking from side to side.

Rick tried to think up a comeback for the argument, but was focused only on how close their kayak was to capsizing, which terrified him, so he simply gripped the sides of the plastic kayak, whimpering in fear. When Vyvyan was fully facing Rick, he could see how scared the anarchist was by the thought of falling in, and decided against hitting him as he thought up a better method of revenge. Rick eyed Vyvyan suspiciously as the punk didn't hit him, but immediately began to scream in protest as Vyvyan slowly stood up, wobbling precariously.

"Stop it, Vyvyan!" He cried, "Sit down!" Rick pleaded, but as Vyvyan stood still, the rocking stopped, and he managed to calm down. He looked up at the punk, whose jeans now had a dark patch from the water around his groin, giving the impression that Vyvyan had wet himself, and couldn't resist winding him up. "Oh dear, Vyvyan, didn't you get to the lavatory in time?" He asked mockingly, as if Vyvyan was a toddler.

"No, Rick, my trousers look like this because a certain BASTARD tipped water all over them!" Vyvyan retorted, beginning to jump up and down on the kayak, grinning smugly as Rick's expression of terror returned.

"Will you STOP it, Vyvyan?!" Rick yelled, pushing feebly at Vyvyan's legs to try to make the punk sit down, but Vyvyan kicked him in the face for it. Rick cried out as the heavy-duty boot smacked into his face, but he noticed Vyvyan overbalance and crash into the water. He initially laughed, but when Vyvyan didn't resurface, Rick began to panic. "Vyvyan?" He said cautiously, poking his head over the side of the kayak and peering down into the murky water. "Vyvyan?!" He shouted, voce high-pitched and frantic.

When he fell in, Vyvyan had hidden under the kayak to stop himself resurfacing - for he was wearing a life jacket, if reluctantly, because even though he didn't want to wear it, the man at the kiosk wouldn't give him a kayak without wearing one first - but as he now needed to breath, Vyv let himself bob back up on the opposite side to the one Rick was leaning over. He floated i silence, trying not to laugh as he listened to Rick, who was convinced that Vyvyan had drowned.

"I'm sorry about what I said, Vyvyan." Rick said thickly through he newly formed tears. "Just please come back." He sobbed.

Vyvyan swam up to the kayak, and suddenly capsized it, cutting Rick off mid-sob as he fell head first into the water. For the few seconds he was submerged, Rick splashed blindly, unable to see, heart pounding in fear of drowning, before his life jacket pulled him back to the surface, coughing and gasping for breath. There was so much water in his ears that Rick was almost completely deaf, but he could hear one thing: Vyvyan was laughing. He swam back to the now upright kayak, where he spotted the punk back in his seat, laughing so much he was nearly in tears, and tried to climb back in too - but Rick found it much more difficult, for - if his experience at the Leap of Faith was anything to go by - he had appalling upper body strength. After five minutes of struggling and no help from Vyvyan, Rick managed to haul himself back into the kayak. Glaring at the punk, Rick grabbed his paddle and smacked Vyvyan as hard as he could with it across the face. Much to Rick's annoyance, Vyvyan didn't even flinch as the right side of his face turned an ugly shade of red, but he could tell he had crossed the line, for Vyvyan's laugher faded away and he scowled at the anarchist instead.

Without saying a word, Vyvyan picked up his own paddle and smashed it over Rick's head, instantly knocking him unconscious. Smiling contentedly, Vyvyan began to paddle slowly, shaking his head to get the water out of his ears, confident that Rick wouldn't be waking up any time soon.

* * *

Neil zoomed around the track, hair streaming, as he drove the quad bike as fast as he could, loving the adrenaline rush he so rarely felt. But as Neil turned a corner, he lost control of the bike and crashed it into one of the low walls, flying off of the bike into the forest. Neil splashed into a large muddy puddle, initially glad that the ground was so soft, for it broke his fall, but as soon as he was coated in thick, liquid mud, Neil wished he had landed somewhere else, for it smelled and felt disgusting, but what really topped it off was the key on the end of the safety cord - which had been pulled out of the engine by the force of the fall - hit him in the back of the head, knocking him forwards. When Neil sat up for the second time, he had to wipe his eyes before he could se, for his whole face was covered in mud. Muttering as many swear words as he could, Neil clamoured to his feet, and headed back over to the others in his group, after jumping the wall and unclipping the safety cord which was attached to his belt, glaring at Mike, who was trying, albeit unsuccessfully, not to laugh.

"Are you alright?" The instructor asked, and Neil nodded, feeling depressed again. After the instructor retrieved the bike, revealing Neil had made a dent in the wall, Mike found it was his turn and he hurried over to it, trying to act cool despite his childish excitement.

He soon found it was quite difficult to get onto a quad bike when you are short, and it took him three attempts at getting his leg over before he finally managed to sit upright on the bike, but once on it, all Mike had to do was plug in the safety cord, and then he was away. Mike could see why the others had been so happy whilst driving it - it was completely exhilarating and, despite what had happened to Neil, Mike just wanted to go faster and faster.

Neil watched Mike ride the quad bike perfectly, never once getting stuck or crashing like he had, and couldn't help but think bitterly about how Mike was better than him at everything. He watched Mike enviously until the shorter man reluctantly slowed to a stop, but when Mike tripped as he tried to get off of the quad bike, Neil found himself laughing - that was the only advantage, apart from being younger, Neil had over Mike, for he was over a foot taller than Mike. He forced himself to look glum again as Mike returned to sit next to him, where they sat in silence until the session was over, before heading back towards their villa.

* * *

"I told you we should have gone the other way, Mike." Neil moaned, walking stiffly in his muddy clothes. Even though the journey back to the villa should have only taken ten minutes, Mike had got them lost again, which was why now, twenty five minutes after leaving their activity, Mike and Neil were only just turning into their villa's road.

Mike sighed before inhaling deeply, preparing to reply, when he noticed two figures walking towards their villa from the opposite direction. As they got closer, Mike realised it was Rick and Vyvyan, and that, judging from the noise they were making, they were having a raging argument.

"You're bloody horrible, Vyvyan!" Rick shouted, rubbing his still throbbing head.

"Thank you, Rick." Vyvyan replied, smiling as if Rick had paid him a compliment, which mad the anarchist even angrier.

Rick turned to fully face Vyvyan, but as he did, a sharp pain shot through his jaw and down the side of his neck, causing Rick to wince in pain and shock. Vyvyan peered closely at where Rick was now gingerly touching out of curiosity, rather than concern, wondering what was wrong with Rick, and hoping it was something bad. Rick suddenly shivered, remembering that his clothes were soaking wet from his trip on - or ,rather, in - the lake, and presuming that to be the cause of his shivers. When the pain passed, Rick went straight back into yelling at Vyvyan,

"Oh, shut up!" He yelled. "I hate you! I could have drowned, you bastard!"

"Calm down, Rick." Mike said as the two pairs met at the path up to their villa.

"I AM calm!" Rick shouted, looking and sounding nowhere near calm.

"You're not, Rick." Neil added. "I can sense it."

Rick looked at Neil for the first time, snorting at the hippie's appearance. "What happened to you - fall down a toilet?" He suggested, laughing at his own joke.

"You can talk, Rick." Neil replied huffily. "You look like you, like, had a bath without taking your clothes off."

"Well it's funny you should say that, Neil," Vyvyan said, stepping across the threshold. "Because-"

"Vyvyan!" Rick hissed, not wanting the others to know about what had happened, for it was too embarrassing.

Vyvyan shrugged, and, much to Rick's surprise, didn't elaborate, but he strolled across the villa into his bedroom and changed out of his sodden clothes, after locking the door behind him. He was just pulling on a dry, if filthy, pair of knickers when Rick came over.

"Vyvyan?" He called through the door. "Can you open the door, please?" Vyvyan ignored him, so he shouted instead. "Vyvyan! Open the door!" When Vyvyan still didn't respond, he sighed and walked away from the bedroom. Despite being alone, Vyvyan grinned triumphantly and layed back on his bed in his underwear, arms behind his head, glad to be away from that bastard for the first time that day.

By now, Neil had managed to get into the bathroom, and whilst he ran a hot bath, he was struggling to get out of his sticky, mud soaked shirt. He jumped as Rick suddenly barged in through the unlocked door, and took a towel from the rack before pulling a face at Neil and walking out again, wobbling slightly, slamming the door behind him. Raising his eyebrows, Neil quickly locked the door before sticking his hand into the water to test its temperature. As the water was too hot, Neil ran the cold tap too and continued to change out of his filthy clothes with extreme difficulty.

Rick, now in the living room, suddenly felt very dizzy and leaned against the dining table to stop himself falling over, eyes unfocused, head pounding, until the spinning ended and he shivered again. Why couldn't he stop shivering? In his desperation to warm up, Rick turned the thermostat up by at least ten degrees celsius, struggled out of his wet clothes, and curled up on the sofa in his damp underwear, towel wrapped around his shoulders like a blanket, feeling too lazy to get up and turn on the telly.

Mike was the first person to notice the sudden temperature increase, for he was curled up in bed, trying to sleep - he'd had an awful nights sleep, for an animal, probably a squirrel, had been scampering around on his roof all night - and quickly went from warm and relaxed to horribly hot and sweaty. Sighing, Mike went out into the living room to investigate what had happened.

"Who turned the temperature up?" He asked, but as Rick was the only person in the room, the answer was obvious to Mike.

"I did." Rick said, teeth chattering.

"Why?" Mike was confused - why would anyone want to turn up the temperature in the middle of summer?

"I had to," Rick replied, "It's bloody freezing in here."

"What's up with you, Rick?" Mike asked, still puzzled. "It's so hot in here that we could be in India for all we know. Listen, I think I can hear the monsoon." Mike laughed at his own cheap joke, but Rick just looked confused. "So stop shivering, Rick, it's not cold in here, and you shivering like that is making me feel cold myself." Mike added, turning the thermostat back down to twenty degrees celsius.

"Don't do that, Mike, please." Rick pleaded. "I'm really cold."

"For God's sake, Rick, you're being a hypochondriac. There's nothing wrong with you, and I can prove it." Rick could see that Mike, usually a calm person, was getting annoyed. He took hold of Rick's wrist and placed his han on Rick's forehead, and then his own. "Do you feel a difference?"

"Well, your forehead's a lot bigger than mine and your eyebrows are a lot bu-" Rick began.

"I meant about the temperature!" Mike snapped.

Rick looked surprisingly hurt, but shrugged as if it didn't matter that Mike was getting grumpy with him, confused as to why he felt upset for no reason. "Oh, no, they were the same."

"See." Mike said, "There - is - no - thing - wrong - with - you - Rick." He pronounced every syllable separately, to try to get his message through to Rick - but he couldn't have been more wrong.


	7. Chapter 7: Saturday Evening

Chapter 7 - Saturday Evening

"It's gone seven, Neil - when are we going swimming?" Vyvyan complained, now redressed in his damp clothes, as he sat slumped on the sofa.

"Well, about that," Neil began nervously, "I thought that, like, tonight, right, that-"

"Neil! When are we going swimming!?" Vyvyan yelled.

"We're not, Vyv." Neil continued cautiously. "Because, right, I thought that we could, like, have a curry tonight." He babbled, wanting to explain why he was arguing with Vyvyan the punk hit him.

Vyvyan perked up at Neil's suggestion, his scowl leaving his face. "What, do you mean we don't have to eat your disgusting excuse for food?"

Neil frowned slightly, looking hurt. "No, Vyv." he muttered.

"Ok, then, I'm in." Vyvyan said excitedly, grinning.

"Anything would be better than lentils." Mike added. "But I do like curry, so I'm in too."

"Rick?" Neil said, turning to face Rick, who was stills shivering on the other sofa.

"What?" He snapped irritably, glaring at the hippie.

"What - do - you - want?" Vyvyan demanded, speaking slowly as if he was talking to an idiot.

"What do I want?" Rick repeated uncertainly, not understanding what Vyvyan was talking about - which was down to the face he hadn't been listening to a word any of them had said.

"Yes!" Vyvyan screamed, already irritated by the anarchist.

"What do I want from what?" Rick asked nervously, still confused.

Neil saw Vyvyan move to pick up a mug, and hurriedly said, with a sigh, "Oh, never mind." Turning to Mike, Niel asked, "Can you go and, like, order the curry for me, Mike?" He was taking a risk here, and half expected Mike to tell him to do it himself, but he found that Mike only kicked up a fuss when he added, "Or will you, like, steal my money instead?"

Mike looked totally offended. "What kind of person do you take me for Neil? Why would I steal from the very person who has taken me on holiday?"

"Because you're a money obsessed sneak?" Rick suggested, sitting up and wincing as his neck throbbed again with an unexplainable pain.

"Shut up, poof!" Vyvyan ordered, being defensive for Mike, despite the fact that Rick was correct, and picking up the mug. Taking aim, Vyvyan threw the mug at Rick, catching him right on his painful neck and making him scream in agony. He grinned in satisfaction, before flipping Rick off and sauntering out if the villa with Mike, leaving Neil to deal with Rick, who was now screaming abuse at the hippie.

* * *

The walk to the shopping village was uneventful - the only things that happened were Mike unsuccessfully chatting up various women and Vyvyan flipping off every person they passed, but they were nothing new - but Mike and Vyvyan found themselves getting distracted when they finally arrived there. Spotting the curry house, Mike headed towards it, and just had his hand on the handle when he turned around to speak to Vyvyan. But Vyvyan was nowhere to be seen. Sighing, Mike wandered aimlessly around, testing to locate Vyvyan, before finally finding the punk in the Sports Plaza with his nose pressed up against one of the sweet shop's glass windows.

Hearing Mike chuckle at him, Vyvyan said, "Look at all those sweets and chocolates, Mike." His voice, slightly muffled by the glass, was full of awe, reminding Mike that Vyvyan did have a more sensitive side.

"Yeah, they look great, Vyv," Mike said dismissively. "But come on, we need to - hey, are those fruit and nut bars?" He pointed towards a stack of chocolate bars; some of which had 'F&amp;N' stamped of their sides.

"I think so." Vyvyan agreed. "We can get some if you want. How much money do we have?"

Mike, after fumbling in his pocket for a wad of scrunched up notes and counting through them, announced, "Fifty pounds. How much does the curry cost, Vyv?"

"Twenty." Vyvyan replied, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Well, its only Neil's money, after all." He smiled too. "Come on then, Vyv, let's get some chocolate." They both hurtled into the sweet shop, wanting to take advantage of actually having money to spend for once.

A few minutes later, they both emerged from the shop with a carrier bag containing Mike's chocolate, and now holding only forty two pounds.

"Ok, now we need to order the-" Mike stopped as he realised Vyvyan had disappeared _again_, and after ten minutes of looking, found him in Sports Cafe this time. Vyvyan was staring longingly at the bar, his mouth slightly open, and Mike started laughing at his ridiculous appearance, "Are you really that desperate for a drink, Vyv?" He said mockingly, still laughing.

With a fake offended look, Vyvyan stuck his hand out, palm up, clearly expecting Mike to give him the money.

"No." Mike said firmly as he caught on to Vyvyan's plan. "If I let you have the money, Vyv, you'll spent it all. Don't look like that - I'll buy you a bloody drink." Mike gave in, sighing.

Vyvyan cheered up immediately, and grinned as Mike bought him a shot of vodka, which he downed in one. "But why can't I spend all the money, Mike?" He asked.

"Because, Vyvyan, _I _am going to spend all the money."

Chuckling, Vyvyan turned to look out of the window, and spotted a children's play area. As it was half past seven in the evening, and the restaurant was crowded with families, it was full of children - but, for some reason, the children were all avoiding the large, swinging basket, and, as he was very inquisitive, Vyv wanted to know why. Jumping to his feet, Vyvyan ran out of one of the glass doors to investigate - Mike thumped the top of the bar in frustration, and hurried after him again.

Taking a running jump, Vyvyan launched himself at the big swing, and as he landed, realised why the children were avoiding it. The swing was broken, missing one of its ropes that attached it to its frame, and lurched sideways under Vyvyan's weight. Vyvyan tried to stop it swinging, not wanting to fall off and ruin his holiday with a broken neck, but before he could stop it, the swing rocked violently and threw him into the air. Vyvyan landed with a smack on the wood bark, before sitting up and checking himself over for broken bones. But when he didn't find any, Vyvyan grabbed Mike by the arm and pulled him away from the laughing kids, flipping them off as he went. He was surprised to find that several of them returned the gesture.

"Well thar was a waste of time, Vyvyan - and you could have bloody well killed yourself!" Mike said disapprovingly, heading towards the curry house at long last.

"It was fun though." Vyvyan muttered, watching as Mike ordered the curry and told them their address, before handing over twenty pounds. When they left again, he persuaded Mike to visit the Parc Market to look at the alcohol, Mike agreeing somewhat grudgingly.

Looking like he was in second heaven, Vyvyan circled the stacks of beer and stared longingly at the bottles of vodka in the large alcohol section . Mike bought a bottle of vodka to keep Vyvyan happy, and a box of beer for him and the other - but as Rick and Neil didn't drink, he knew they were really all for him. After spending far more money than they were meant to, Mike and Vyvyan headed back to the villa, oblivious to the crap time Neil had been having, and not caring even if they did know, for, as they always said, he was only Neil.

* * *

Neil jerked awake as the doorbell rang. He was lucky to have been asleep at all, for Rick had spent most of the time yelling at him, before finally getting bored and leaving him alone. But as he opened the door, Neil realised that he wasn't going to be able to sleep again any time soon, for it was Mike and Vyvyan. "Can I have the rest of the money back, please, guys?" was the first thing he said.

"There isn't any, Niel." Mike lied smoothly, holding the money behind his back.

"Yes there is, Mike, because, I, like, gave you too much money by mistake." Neil retorted, unusually aggressive, which was probably down to the fact he hated people stealing from him.

Mike sighed, handing over three of the four notes he was hiding behind his back.

"Thank you," Neil said, walking towards the telly, and allowing Mike to rip the remaining note in half, keeping one piece and giving Vyvyan the other. Sitting down heavily, Neil realised he had made a mistake, for this was the sofa Rick was sat on, and he managed to wake the anarchist up.

Swatting at Niel, Rick snapped, "Do you MIND, Neil, I'm trying to relax!?" Now dressed in his pyjamas, but still shivering, Rick continued to frown at the hippie, hating him for waking him up.

"Sorry, sorry." Neil mumbled defensively. Taking a closer look at Rick, Neil saw he was shivering constantly, and his face was very pale, but, strangest of all, Rick kept feeling along the underside of his jaw and below his ear, as if they were causing him discomfort. He wondered what was wrong with him.

By now, Rick had noticed that Neil was staring at him. "What?" He said loudly, eyes so wide he looked crazy. "Stop looking at me, its bloody freaky!"

"I'm only concerned." Neil huffed. "And anyway, how would you, like, know I was looking at you unless you were looking at me first?"

"What?" Rick repeated, just sounding confused this time, but then understanding what Neil had said. "Oh, shut up, Neil! Just because you were being a little pervy-"

"Oh, shut up yourself." Neil interrupted, bored of Rick snapping at him, but, luckily for Neil, the curry arrived before Rick could retaliate.

* * *

"Ok, who wants what?" Mike asked, pulling the many boxes of curry, rice and sauces out of the large carrier bag.

"I'll have anything, I don't care - I'm just bloody starving." Vyvyan said, staring greedily at all of the food in front of him.

"Greedy pig." Rick muttered under his breath, not intending for Vyvyan to hear him - but the punk had very good hearing.

"What did you just say?" Vyvyan demanded, looking at Rick, who was now covered in goosebumps.

"Nothing." Rick said quickly. Too quickly.

"Yes you bloody well did say something, Rick." Vyvyan yelled. He thought for a moment - what had Rick called him? "You called me a 'greedy pig', didn't you?" Vyvyan shouted, remembering.

"Well you are!" Rick snapped. "You're always stuffing your fat gob, you stupid bast-"

"What do you want, Rick?" Mike asked, cutting straight into their argument, for he never acknowledged any fights between the other three, which was down to the fact he thought he was more important than them.

"Anything without meat in it, please, Mike." Rick asked as calmly as he could, but he still glared at Vyvyan out of the corner of his eye.

"Why's that, Rick?" Vyvyan added spiteful. "Are you scared that the animals will kill you if you eat their relatives, or something stupid like that?" He said provocatively.

"I'm a vegetarian, Vyvyan, which means I think it's wrong to kill animals for their meat and, therefore, don't eat it - so just bloody shut up!" Rick snapped aggressively.

Still blanking Rick and Vyvyan, Mike turned to Neil, who was sat of the other sofa to the other two, sitting as far away from Rick as he could in case he went for him. "What about you, Neil?"

"Oh, can I have anything without meat in it, please?" Neil asked politely.

Mike unwrapped all of the boxes, making Vyvyan's mouth water so much he began to dribble, and sent Neil to get the plates and cutlery, and they all tucked in heartily: Rick and Neil argued over a particular vegetarian dish they both wanted; Vyvyan stuffed as much food in his mouth as he physically could; and Mike washed his down with a bottle of beer.

"Does that one have meat in it?" Rick asked, pointing towards a curry that was so far untouched.

"Dunno." Vyvyan struggled to speak, his mouth was so crammed with food. Swallowing hard, Vyvyan ate some of the curry Rick had specified, tasting the vegetables, grimacing as he bit into them, before being hit by a wave of heat that seemed to burn his tongue. "Eugh - it's vegetarian, all right, you can taste the vegetables, and they are DISGUSTING!" Vyvyan replied, deciding not to tell Rick, who hated really spicy food, how hot the curry was.

"Yes, alright, Vyvyan, we all know how much you hate vegetables." Rick said, sounding as if he was speaking to a fussy child, before taking some of the curry, and shoving it into his mouth.

Hiding his grin behind his bottle of vodka, and taking a large swig to cool his mouth down, Vyvyan watched Rick experience the effects of eating such a spicy curry. Rick's eyes widened and he spat out his mouthful into a tissue, panting heavily with his tongue hanging out of his mouth - but even though his mouth was burning, Rick continued to look pale and shiver. But as he struggled to feel his tongue, it was so hot, he could hear Vyvyan, Mike and even Neil laughing at him.

"Shut up, Shut up! SHUT UP!" Rick screamed, dangerously near tears. He turned to face Vyvyan, who was grinning irritatingly, "You knew, didn't you, Vyvyan, you knew it was bloody hot, DIDN'T YOU!?"

"Yeah." Vyvyan said casually, as if Rick had asked him a normal, everyday question.

"You bastard! You bloody hateful bastard!" He shouted, finally causing Vyvyan to snap. Picking up a cup, Rick lobbed it at the punk, but when it missed - Rick had never had a good aim - Vyvyan threw it back, catching Rick on the side of the head. He fell back in his seat, unconscious.

The other three carried on eating, enjoying the fact that Rick wasn't able to annoy them, and chatting away as thought hey didn't care that Rick couldn't join in - which they didn't.


	8. Chapter 8: Sunday Morning

Chapter 8 - Sunday morning

It was five o'clock in the morning, and all four students were asleep in their various beds. Mike, the only occupant of the double bedroom, was curled up in the centre of his large bed, surrounded by pillows, sleeping quietly and peacefully. In the living room, however, was Neil, who was tossing and turning on the sofa bed, plagued by bad dreams caused by overeating – but he wasn't making a sound. Unsurprisingly, the only sounds in the whole villa were coming from the twin bedroom shared by Rick and Vyvyan, for, as anyone unfortunate enough to know them knew, the anarchist and the punk were extremely noisy people. In one bed, his feet on the pillow so his face wasn't near Rick's – he had stated firmly to Mike that having his head so close to Rick's was both disgusting and very girly – was Vyvyan, whose stomach was gurgling loudly, seemingly causing the sleeping punk discomfort. But the most noise was caused by Rick, for his limbs flailed wildly, he groaned in his sleep, and his head thrashed from side to side on his pillow as he mumbled incomprehensible gibberish. It may have been too dark to see them, but it was obvious that both Rick and Vyvyan's faces were contorted with pain.

Rick was jerked from his restless sleep by the sound of Vyvyan's gurgling stomach, immediately fighting the urge to wince at the pain he was experiencing. His previously aching neck was now badly swollen and throbbing intensely; he felt horribly hot and achy all over his body; and he was feeling nauseated, stomach churning. Suddenly, his stomach flipped, and Rick, no longer caring about not waking up Vyvyan, groaned loudly, before retching and vomiting violently. Unable to stop himself vomiting, Rick hunched forwards, eyes squeezed shut, and waited it out, until, finally, he had nothing left to throw up.

Opening his eyes, Rick realised what he had done, so scared he was ready to be sick again. Whilst he had vomited all over his pyjama top and duvet - Rick could deal with it, for he could just go without - what scared Rick so badly was that he realised that he had also thrown up onto Vyvyan's duvet. He gasped; Vyvyan was going to kill him. Beginning to snivel – partly through fear and partly through feeling so ill – Rick sniffed so loudly that he woke up the punk.

Vyvyan sat up in bed, yawning and rubbing his eyes, before rubbing his churning stomach. He was just beginning to attempt to diagnose himself, when he heard Rick sniff, guessing that was what had woke him up. As the anarchist was lying down, Vyvyan had thought he was asleep, but the repeated sniffs told him that this wasn't the case. Leaning forwards, getting ready to tell Rick to shut the bloody hell up, Vyvyan put his hand straight into Rick's vomit, and withdrew his contaminated hand, looking disgusted. Hearing Rick's breathing speed up, Vyvyan knew that the anarchist was aware that he was awake, and, grabbing hold of Rick's hair with his vomit covered hand, he smashed Rick's head repeatedly into the headboard. Yelping in pain, Rick attempted futily to get the punk off of him, but Vyvyan hit him harder, yelling, "Why did you puke on my duvet, you virgin?!" so loudly that he could be heard throughout the villa – and, no doubt, the whole park too.

When Neil awoke on the floor next to his sofa bed, head hurting so badly he thought it was going to explode, his sore eyes barely open, he could vaguely hear, through the ringing in his ears, a raging argument coming from Rick and Vyvyan's room. Cautiously, Neil found himself heading towards the room to investigate, glancing at the vodka bottle he knew all too well as he passed it.

Pushing the ajar door open, Neil couldn't see a thing, but was able to hear repeated, loud thumps, and Rick crying out, with the occasional "Virgin!" or "Bastard!" being shouted by Vyvyan. Switching on the light, having to shield his sensitive eyes with his hand, Neil watched what was going on, the other two too absorbed in the conflict to notice Neil standing in the doorway or even that the light was now on.

Both of the vomit stained duvets had been thrown off of the beds and Vyvyan had climbed on top of Rick, whose pyjamas were covered in sick, violently banging his head into the headboard. Getting a glimpse of Rick's face, shiny and red, with a lump sticking out of either side of his neck, Neil was shocked to see how ill he looked, especially scared by the swellings that hadn't been there a few hours ago. Neil didn't like Rick, he found him obnoxious and rude, but he could see the anarchist was really unwell, and, anyway, he hated seeing people suffer, especially when they couldn't defend themselves. So this was why Neil took a risk, and attempted to step in.

"Stop it, Vyv, get off of him." Neil cried frantically, pulling at Vyvyan's clothes to try and move the punk himself.

Noticing Neil for the first time, Vyvyan kicked the hippie whilst still hitting Rick. Then, as if he hadn't just attacked Neil, Vyvyan casually asked, "Why? He bloody well deserves it, Neil, he threw up all over my duvet, the bastard." On 'bastard', Vyvyan gave Rick's head an almighty whack, making Rick yelp.

"But he's ill, Vyv." Neil pressed, backing away from the punk in case he got hit for arguing back.

"Is he?" Vyvyan replied idiotically, still facing Neil.

"Of course he is, Vyv, so try looking for yourself, 'cause you are training to be a doctor." Neil couldn't believe how stupid the punk could be sometimes.

Vyvyan looked down, and, after observing Rick for no more than a second, jumped backwards off of the bed.

"Shit!" He exclaimed. "That's mumps."

"Mumps?" Neil repeated, leaning forwards to look more closely at the snivelling anarchist.

"Don't you know what mumps is, Neil?" Vyvyan taunted patronisingly, looking as if he thought the hippie was an idiot.

"Yes, I do actually, Vyv." Neil mumbled offended. "I mean, like, what is it medically?"

"It's the inflammation of the parotid salivary glands." Vyvyan parroted, remembering learning about the infection only a month ago, as he pointed to the lumps on Rick's neck. "It's usually accompanied by a fever, and can induce vomiting – but, personally, I think the bastard threw up on my duvet on purpose. Oh, and it's contagious, Neil, so watch out, 'cause I don't want another puking poof ruining my holiday." Vyvyan said it all in one tone of voice, sounding just like a doctor, even though what he was saying was hardly what a GP would tell a patient.

"Hello?" Rick said irritably, eyebrows raised. "I do exist, you know. And what about my holiday, it's not-" Rick cut himself off with a scream of pain as his glands, as Vyvyan called them, suddenly hurt overwhelmingly, shooting sharp pains down his neck.

"Are you alright, Rick?" Neil asked, concerned.

"Of course I'm alright, Neil – I've only got bloody mumps, for flips sake!" Rick snapped sarcastically, glaring at the hippie, before turning to face Vyvyan – which hurt like hell. "Oh, and Vyvyan, why would I deliberately throw up on your duvet?"

"Shut up, poof, I know you did!" Vyvyan yelled, clearly needing to practise his bedside manner.

"It wasn't my fault." Rick insisted, sobbing again. "I'm not very well, Vyvyan, you said so yourself, so you can shut up too."

Vyvyan, getting irritated again, decided to be lenient – or as lenient as a violent punk could be – and said, "Neil, if you don't get _him_ out of my sight by the time I count to three, I will not be held responsible for my actions. One..."

Neil, terrified by the prospect of Vyvyan's 'actions' grabbed Rick by his boiling hot arm, and pulled him out of the room just before Vyvyan got to three.

* * *

Half an hour later, the punk, doubled over, suddenly ran out of the bedroom, giving Rick and Neil a quick glare, before dashing into the lavatory, his stomach gurgling loudly again.

Neil, who had, by now, managed to get Rick to lie down on the sofa in his unsoiled vest and pyjama bottoms, was now attempting to take Rick's temperature using the thermometer from Vyvyan's doctor's set. But Rick, who had feebly protested the whole time, wasn't having any of it – he turned his head away and clamped his lips together, preventing the piece of metal from entering his mouth.

Neil sighed. "I'm only trying to help."

"Well don't," Rick snapped. "and stop treating me like a-"

As Rick moaned, Neil took his chance, shoving the thermometer into his mouth. "Oy!" Rick shouted, voice muffled by the thermometer, but, as Neil had, unhelpfully, his hand over the thermometer, he couldn't spit it back out. Rick tried to hit the hippie, but his limbs hurt too much to move them properly.

After pulling the spit covered thermometer out of Rick's mouth, Neil looked at the reading – and his eyes widened.

"What?" Rick asked, noticing something was up.

"It says forty degrees, Rick." Neil whispered, shocked.

"What?" Rick repeated, not hearing him.

"It says forty degrees."

"Oh my God!" Rick cried, terrified. "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!" Hyperventilating, Rick looked absolutely petrified, and his flushed face turned scarlet.

"Calm down, Rick, you'll make yourself ill." Mike said, walking out of his bedroom and heading towards the kitchen.

"Is-is that supposed to be funny?" Rick asked, half sitting up, grimacing at the pain it caused.

Mike looked over at Rick, peering at his red, sweaty face and the awful lumps in his neck. "What's wrong with him?" Mike asked Neil.

"Mumps – and he's contagious, so stay away, Mike, or you'll, like, get it too."

Mike, clearly confused, looked from Neil, to Rick, and then back to Neil. "Well, if he's so contagious, Neil, then why are you near him?" He asked.

"Because he, like, needs someone to look after him." Neil replied kindly.

Rick looked disgusted. "I do NOT need looking after, Neil, I can look after myself." He insisted. "Look, I'm thirsty, and I'm going to get myself a drink." Rick said, standing up, swaying unsteadily on his feet. Attempting to walk towards the kitchen, Rick only managed a step before his legs gave way and he fell over, his head thumping hard into the coffee table. Weeping, tears beginning to seep down his cheeks, Rick rubbed his throbbing forehead.

Neil stepped forwards, planning to help the anarchist to his feet, but Mike held him back.

"No, Neil, let him do it himself – it's what he wants, remember?" Mike said truthfully – but, really, he didn't want Neil to help Rick because the anarchist looked so ridiculously funny, and Mike, being Mike, wanted to watch him suffer. Of course, he didn't tell Neil this.

So the pair of them just stood there, watching Rick, still crying, haul himself to his feet and then immediately fall over again and again. They were only distracted when they heard the lavatory flush, shortly followed by Vyvyan – pale faced - staggering out of the toilet, groaning loudly.

Vyvyan, looking confused by Mike being up so early, momentarily forgot about his upset stomach, and asked, "Why are you up so early Mike, it's only..." Vyvyan's voice tailed off as he attempted to work out the time, eventually announcing, "It's only ten to six." He looped rather pleased with himself.

"Well, Vyv, I got woken up by Rick having some sort of panic attack, and then Neil told me he's got mumps – bloody hell, what is he doing now?" Mike suddenly blurted as he noticed Rick again. The invalid had managed to pull himself up by using the sofa for support – which proceeded to tip as it took all of Rick's weight, and then toppled, falling into Rick. The anarchist was knocked backwards and smashed the back of his head so hard into the coffee table that he was knocked unconscious.

Unfortunately for Rick, the others didn't realise that he had been knocked out, in fact, they all started laughing at his clumsiness – even Neil had smirk on his face.

But Vyvyan's smile faded as his stomach gurgled again and he was forced to dash, swearing, back into the toilet.

Neil, now realising that Rick wasn't conscious, snapped into action. "Okay, Mike, seriously, like, shut up, we need to, like-"

"What gives you the right to tell me to shut up exactly, Neil?" Mike demanded, totally believing that he was the most important person in the villa, if not the world.

"Look, can you just help me?" Neil insisted, and , sighing, Mike assisted him in putting the sofa back in its correct position.

With that, Mike sauntered back into his bedroom where, much to Neil's dismay, he stayed for the rest of the morning.

Neil sighed and, wondering why he bothered, began to move Rick's limp, but surprisingly heavy body back onto the sofa all by himself.


	9. Chapter 9: Sunday Afternoon

Chapter 9 - Sunday Afternoon

By midday, Neil had forgotten that he'd even had a hangover; he was just too busy to think about it. He hadn't even began to think about lunch, even though Rick and Vyvyan were constantly complaining that they were hungry, because he was just slightly preoccupied; It seemed that he had become a full time nurse, because Rick was so weak that he was incapable of doing anything for himself - it was just that the anarchist didn't want his help at all.

Rick's condition had rapidly deteriorated in the past few hours: his fever was higher than before, he was sweating buckets as his body tried to cool itself down, and his glands, swollen and shiny with infection, had almost doubled in size, making his whole jaw puffy. But the glands, despite causing Rick so much pain, really were the least of his problems, for he was so hot, he had began to hallucinate...

"Shut up, Rick!" Vyvyan yelled in irritation, scowling over at Rick, who screamed every few seconds. It was obvious that the punk had no sympathy at all for his house mate.

"But, but, Vyvyan, I do-don't like spiders." Rick's voice shook as he spoke, partly from fear and partly from shivering with fever. As he was flat on his back, Rick's eyes were fixed on the ceiling, where he, and only he, could see countless spiders scampering across it.

"Shut up." Vyvyan ordered, leaning forwards in his seat. "look, Rick," He said, attempting to reason with the delirious anarchist. He didn't want to, but shouting wasn't working, so this seemed to be his only option - except smashing him over the head, but, as his stomach hurt so much, Vyvyan didn't really feel like it. "For the millionth time, there aren't any blood spiders in here."

Looking puzzled, Rick said, "What - you mean you can't see them?"

"YES!" Vyvyan snapped, "How many bloody times do I have to say it?"

For a few minutes, Rick seemed to calm down, apparently trying to rationalise his hallucinations - but then suddenly shrieked as they returned, looking absolutely terrified.

Vyvyan sighed, wanting to scream in irritation. "Neil!" He shouted, thoroughly wound up. "Can you please do something about the bastard you call your patient, because he's started hallucinating and it's EXTREMELY annoying!"

"Why don't you, Vyv." Neil called back from inside the toilet. He'd taken advantage of the fact that Vyvyan wasn't actually in the lavatory, and wasn't exactly rushing to come out again.

"Because he's YOUR problem, Neil, not mine!" Vyvyan retorted, ignoring the comment from Rick saying that he was fine without either of them helping him.

"But you're the one who's going to be a doctor!" Neil insisted, telling the truth.

Vyvyan couldn't think of a comeback to that, so he just screamed, "SO!" as if that was a valid answer. Their voices were getting louder and louder.

"Shut up, the pair of you!" Mike shouted through his closed bedroom door: he was trying to avoid Rick and Vyvyan as much as possible in case they infected him with either of their contagious diseases.

Much to Mike's surprise, Vyvyan and Neil got bored with arguing, and Rick finally realised that no one cared if there were any spiders or not, so the villa was unusually quiet. Smiling contentedly, Mike closed his eyes, pleased that it was so peaceful - but, of course, it didn't last long.

* * *

"There, that'll cool you down." Neil said soothingly, placing a wet flannel on Rick's burning forehead, who, strangely, didn't put up a fight.

In the last couple of hours, Rick had become dangerously hot, his fever now pushing 41.2 degrees Celsius, and he looked dreadful: his face was bright red, skin covered in a thin film of sweat; his limbs ached badly despite his lack of movement; and his swollen glands were now so large and sensitive that he barely had to twitch his head without crying from the pain. Cheeks fevered red, eyes bright with delirium, Rick looked up at Neil, and smiled warmly, so ill he didn't know how much he hated the hippy. Neil grinned back, pleased to be appreciated for once - but, as the cool flannel began to slightly lower his temperature, Rick soon snapped back into reality.

"Bugger off, Neil, I hate you." Rick snapped cruelly, glaring at Neil.

Vyvyan, now even paler, watched with curiosity from the where we was slumped on the other sofa. "What makes you think he likes you, Rick?" He added, "I'm sure Neil would try to help anyone - so you're nothing special, believe me."

A flicker of a smile appeared on Neil's face, pleased that Vyvyan had defended him, but he knew that Vyv wasn't being nice - it was just that the punk hated Rick more than he hated him.

"But he keeps FUSSING over me, it's so annoying." Rick insisted, "I can look after myself." He seemed to have forgotten that he was so weak he could barely stand up by himself, let alone walk.

"I'm only concerned - and, anyway, what happened the last time you tried to look after yourself, Rick?" Neil asked, getting the anarchist at a weak point.

Before Rick could respond, Mike, now sat eating his chocolate at the kitchen table - he had given up on waiting for Neil's non existent lunch, and, anyway, it would have been disgusting, so he felt he was better off without it - said, "I remember. He said he could get himself a drink but then fell over, got crushed under the sofa, and knocked himself out." Mike struggled not to laugh, still finding that memory very funny.

"Did I?" Rick asked, pretending he couldn't remember. But he did remember exactly what happened, and, in his own, slightly warped ind, Rick thought what he'd done was actually quite anarchic.

"But when you woke up, Rick, you weren't trapped under the sofa, you were, like, on it instead, because _I_ helped you." Neil said defensively, desperate to prove his point.

"Oh, shut up, Neil, no one cares what you think!" Rick snapped, irritated by everyone - he just wanted to be left alone. Suddenly, his hallucinations returned, and he unsuccessfully choked back a scream, eyes wide with fear.

"I don't think I can take much more of this." Vyvyan said to himself, before he grinned mischievously, and wandered into the bathroom, heading first to the utility cupboard in the hallway.

"Calm down, Rick, there's, like, nothing there, you're okay." Neil reassured, trying to be kind to the anarchist.

"Oh, just leave me ALONE, Neil!" Rick yelled, pissed off.

"Fine." Nel said huffily, "Just don't, like, come crawling back when you need my help." He walked off, sick of helping someone who was such a bastard.

"Don't worry, I won't!" Rick shouted.

It was then that Vyvyan came back into the living room, carrying something behind his back. Rick eyed him suspiciously. Mike, who could see what Vyv was holding, knew what was about to happen, but did nothing to stop it.

"As you probably already know," Vyvyan began, his voice all on one level, sounding strangely calm and mature. "Rick has a dangerously high fever, so high it is actually causing him hallucinations, and it needs to be brought down quickly."

"And how are you going to do that, Vyvyan, using your immense medical knowledge, perhaps, or-" Rick began sarcastically.

"No," Vyvyan interrupted him, smiling eerily, "Like this." And Vyvyan tipped a bucket of cold water over Rick's head. The anarchist gave a high pitched scream as Mike and Neil laughed their heads off.

"Neil - help!" He called desperately, absolutely drenched.

"So now you need my help, do you, Rick?" Neil called, "Well tough luck!" He sounded triumphant.

"You're all bastards!" Rick yelled, burrowing his face into the sofa cushions.

* * *

"Open your mouth, Rick." Vyvyan ordered two hours later, wanting to see if his plan had worked. Standing over Rick, he could see the anarchist wasn't as red as he had been earlier.

Rick shook his head firmly.

"Because I really want to see if drenching you worked." Vyvyan insisted, once again more curious about Rick's illness than actually concerned for his health.

Rick shook his head again, lips clamped shut.

"Fine." Vyvyan smiled mischievously, "Can you take your trousers off, please?" Vyvyan asked as if he was a doctor, knowing this would work.

"WHAT!?" Rick yelled, understanding exactly what Vyvyan was proposing. "You are NOT sticking that thing up my b-" He was cut off as Vyvyan rammed the thermometer quite forcefully into his mouth, pushing it in so far it clinked against his fillings. "Vyvyan!" He cried, voice muffled by the thermometer now under his tongue.

Thirty seconds later, Vyvyan pulled the thermometer out of Rick's mouth, and, after looking at the reading, smiled smugly at the anarchist.

"It says thirty eight degrees, Rick - there's no need to thank me."

"Don't worry, Vyvyan, I don't want to anyway." Rick retorted, but, when the punk turned his back, he looked very relieved to be so much cooler.

Suddenly, Vyvyan's stomach began to gurgle again and, making no attempt to hide the pain, he doubled over, grimacing.

"Are you alright, Vyvyan?" Rick asked cautiously, peering over at the punk.

"Yes, Rick, there's absolutely nothing wrong with me." Vyvyan said with heavy sarcasm. But then he cried out in pain and ran, full pelt, into the lavatory.

"It looks like _he's_ got gastroenteritis now." Rick said, remembering an argument they'd had a few weeks ago, before looking around and realising that no one else was in the room.

* * *

"Stop it, you bastard!" Vyvyan screamed at his stomach, punching himself in the abdomen. He could now barely manage twenty minutes without having to visit the lavatory, and it was driving him absolutely mad - and it was annoying the hell out of the others, too.

"Shut up, Vyvyan!" Rick snapped irritably, from where he was laying, flat on his back, on the other sofa, glands still painfully swollen, but much less flushed. Laying on his back was very uncomfortable, but it hurt his neck too much to lay in any other position, so he was stuffed. Rick, as he slowly cooled down, was getting to be more and more like his old self - another reason why everyone was so pissed off.

Ignoring Rick, Vyvyan turned to face Neil, sat beside him, and Mike, sat at the table, who were both watching a boring programme - a documentary about trees, no less - on their tiny telly.

"I'm bored." Vyvyan announced to the pair of them.

"We all are, Vyv." Mike replied, not taking his eyes off the telly screen.

"I want to do something." Vyvyan pressed.

"We all do, Vyv." Mike said, his voice monotonous, and his face deadpan.

"What can we do?" Vyvyan was getting really annoyed by Mike's bland responses.

"I don' know, Vyv."

"Mike!" Vyvyan suddenly shouted, "What can we do?!" He repeated, only much louder this time.

"We can't do anything, Vyvyan, because I seem to be in bloody quarantine, and you can't keep out of the lavatory for more than twenty minutes at a time - so stop moaning, we're all as bored as you." Rick snapped.

"I wasn't actually asking you." Vyvyan glared at the anarchist, before he felt his stomach churning, and he dashed, swearing loudly, into the toilet again.

The other three sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the telly.

"But there must be, like, something we can do, guys." Said Neil, looking at the grumpy faces of his so called friends (who, quite blatantly, hated his guts, he thought bitterly).

"Yes. but WHAT!?" Rick screamed.


	10. Chapter 10: Sunday Evening

Chapter 10 - Sunday Evening

"I'm BORED!" Vyvyan screamed, three hours after the previous argument. He still hadn't found anything to do: there were no board games to play, and he felt too crappy to do anything active. And to make matters even worse, two hours ago, they'd had a power cut, so were now sat in the fading evening light, staring in an absent minded fashion at the blank telly screen. There wasn't even a dot to watch.

So it should have come as no great surprise to Rick when Vyv made his latest, noisy protest, but that didn't mean he had to respond in anything other than a voice equally as loud, if a bit more croaky, than the punk's.

Rick glared at him across the room, "So am I, but I'm not making a bloody fuss about it!"

"Oh shut up!" Thinking up valid comebacks had never been Vyvyan's strong point.

But, then again, it hadn't been Rick's either "Shut up yourself!"

"No, you!"

"NO, YOU!"

"Shut up the pair of you." Mike snapped, still trying to relax. "I'm the most bored out of all of us, 'cause I'm stuck in this bloody villa with an overly aggressive punk who can't stay out of the lavatory for more than twenty minutes, a mumps victim who'll probably give it to me..." Mike's mind was cast back to the previous day as she said the word 'mumps', when he had seen an article about the MMR jab (which Rick had obviously never had) on the news. "Hey, Vyv, is it true you can go sterile if you get mumps?" Mike suddenly changed the subject, turning to the punk.

"Yeah," Vyvyan said, looking slightly puzzled. "If it gets to your groin it can make you infertile." This was one of the few moments when one could actually imagine Vyvyan as a doctor.

"WHAT?!" Rick shrieked, interrupting their conversation. "What if I want to have children one day?"

Vyvyan was too disgusted by Rick's comment to bother to tell him that his case hadn't spread that far yet - he'd much rather watch Rick panic. Which he did; the anarchist spent the next ten minutes panting and peeking down his underpants when he thought no one was looking, as if it was actually possible to see if you were sterile from the outside of your body.

"Well, maybe getting mumps wouldn't be so bad after all, it would stop all my birds getting pregnant," Mike winked at Vyv, grinning in such a cocky way it made him look even more like a pervert than usual.

"Don't be so sexist, Mike," Rick interjected, his eyes going wide the way they always did when he was annoyed. "The way you talk about bir- I mean women is absolutely disgusting. And, anyway, have you never heard of protection?"

"I wasn't aware that you knew contraceptives existed, Rick," Vyvyan added maliciously. "Cos it's not as if you've ever seen one, let alone used one."

"Liar!" Rick yelled, pointing a shaky finger straight at Vyvyan's face. "I saw a condom in sex ed when the teacher put one on a banana." He smiled triumphantly, glad to have actually thought up a comeback for once.

"Yeah, but you still haven't used one, cos you're a vir-"

"As I was _saying_," Mike managed to interrupt their debate before it turned into yet another argument. "I'm stuck inside with you two most likely infecting me and a hippy who-"

"Hey," Neil sounded hurt. "What have I done?"

"Oh, shut up, Neil." Rick said spitefully.

"So, I'm going out," Mike continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. He got to his feet and headed in the direction of the front door.

"That's not fair!" Rick cried indignantly, looking daggers at Mike, who had just put his sunglasses on.

"Take me with you, Michael - please don't leave me with _them_," Vyvyan said desperately, sounding very sycophantic. However, when Mike just ignored him, Vyvyan then muttered "Bastard," under his breath. It was a rare occurrence for the punk to show hostility towards Mike, so it was obvious to the others that Vyvyan was very pissed off, even for him.

"That's really heavy, man," Neil added in his usual drawl, also standing up. "Why can't I come too, there's, like, nothing wrong with me?"

"You've got to look after Rick, Neil." This got the exact reaction that Mike was hoping for.

"No he doesn't!" Rick shrieked, struggling to join the others in the centre of the room. Standing up made him feel dizzy, but he was so annoyed that he just put up with it.

"Look, Mike, I'm coming too," Vyvyan stated firmly, but before he managed to reach Mike's side, he felt an all too familiar gurgling in the pit of his stomach, and was forced to double over. "Oh, crap," He muttered, dashing into the toilet. A few seconds later, the others heard something that sounded suspiciously like Vyvyan punching the mirror.

Whilst Rick and Neil were distracted by the strange sound - Rick sighed in exasperation, and yelled to Vyvyan that punching things was far too reactionary for his liking, young man; Neil also sighed, but sounded even more depressed than usual, mumbling that they would have to pay for that mirror to be replaced, and did Vyvyan know who would have to do it, except he went on to say he would have to do it himself as he was the only one around here who ever did anything - Mike took his chance. He grabbed both sets of keys from the table and ran outside, locking the door and trapping Neil, Vyv and Rick inside the villa.

He heard Neil call after him "That's so heavy, Mike," and Rick scream "Mike, you BASTARD!" a few seconds later, but just chuckled, and walked calmly down the path. He didn't even turn around when a massive crash erupted from the villa, telling him that Vyvyan also knew that he had managed to escape. Mike knew that it was going to be hell when he returned to their villa, but, at the moment, he was too happy about escaping the chaos to care.

* * *

Mike breathed a sigh of relief as he strolled along the pavement in the direction of the shops, knowing that he would have gone insane if he'd stayed in that villa for much longer. He thought he was used to his housemates and their annoying behaviour after living with them for so long, but he had never seen them acting up so much - not even that time they all had stinking colds, and that was a memory Mike really wanted to erase.

It was then he realised that he'd forgotten to bring his money - or, rather, Neil's money - with him, having left it inside a pillowcase in his room, to keep it safe from Vyvyan when he went on a rampage. But he couldn't face going back to the chaos just yet, so he kept on walking. It took him about ten minutes to reach the Village - it should have taken five, but he stopped several times to chat up women, regardless of whether or not they were with a man, or, in one case, another woman.

Walking into the Sports Plaza, Mike spotted a woman he deemed beautiful (which meant that she had big tits, basically) sitting on her own on a large wooden bench. Switching on his non existant charm, Mike walked towards her, intent on chatting her up. He sat down beside her, so close that their arms brushed against each other. He failed to notice her move her arm away from his, crossing hers across her chest. She didn't make eye contact, and stared into her lap, looking extremely uncomfortable. She them shifted a few inches away from Mike.

Apparently not noticing her apprehension, Mike moved closer to her again. "Hello, love, my name's Mike, what's yours?" He asked.

"Leave me alone." She replied stiffly, staring straight ahead. She uncrossed her arms, reaching for her handbag instead.

"Oh, come on, baby, I just wanna get to know you." He tried to slide his hand down her top, but, before he could even seduce her with a load of crap that didn't make sense, she slapped him hard across the face, almost knocking him off of the bench.

"Piss off, pervert!" She snapped aggressively, finally making eye contact, but not in the way Mike had hoped.

Hurriedly getting to his feet, Mike walked off as calmly as he could, trying desperately to retain what little amount of dignity he had left. As he did so, the woman whacked him in the back with her handbag.

Now terrified of the prospect of getting mauled by a mob of handbag wielding women, Mike ran back to the villa as fast as he could, holding the palm of his hand over the slap mark on his stinging cheek. When he hoped he was safe, Mike slowed to a walk, glumly wishing his trip to the shops could have been a bit more fun.

* * *

As Mike stepped over the threshold of the living room door, he was met by three pairs of eyes all staring at him. Vyvyan looked furious, Rick looked pissed off, and Neil looked wounded. And Mike didn't hard to guess very hard to work out why.

"Oh, so you're back now, are you Mike?" Rick said, sounding much like a parent whose child had missed their curfew. Rick then spotted the red, hand shaped mark n Mike's cheek. "What happened to your face, Mike, you look ridiculous? Did a woman hit you in the face because no women ever like you even though you act like a-"

"Shut up, Rick!" Mike snapped, desperately trying to stay cool. "Of course not - and have you looked in the mirror lately, Rick? So shut up about my appearance."

He had a point; Rick, with his puffy jaw and double chin, couldn't really laugh at how anyone else looked.

Before Rick could argue back, Vyvyan snorted, he was laughing so hard. "What a load of crap, Mike! You're such a liar - I bet you tried to chat up a chick, but she slapped you for it."

Even though Vyv had got it in one, Mike refused to give in. He stood with his arms folded in a futile attempt to square up to the other three, even though they all towered over him.

"It must have been a very hand shaped door, Mike, if your story's true." Rick snorted at his own slightly witty comment. But, to his irritation, no one else bothered to laugh.

"Yes it was, Rick," Mike agreed, managing to shut Rick up, but leaving him totally confused. He looked at all three of them, before saying, "Haven't you guys all got anything better to do than harass me?"

"No," Vyvyan replied bluntly. Behind him, Neil looked hurt at being accused to harassing Mike, when he hadn't said anything of the sort. "Because, Mike, if you recall, we've been bored stiff all day, there's still no power, and, for the last twenty minutes, we've been locked inside this bloody villa whilst you SODDED OFF!"

All of this arguing was seriously annoying Neil, the pacifist of the quartet, for he hated fighting of any kind. Knowing that it couldn't be long before someone lashed out, Neil tip toed across the room, intending on locking himself in the toilet, but he got distracted as he heard Rick yell his name.

"Thanks a lot, Neil, this really has been a _great_ holiday." Rick called sarcastically.

Neil looked hurt. "How's it my fault the holiday hasn't gone the way we, like, wanted it too Rick? And you can't tell me that you honestly, like, didn't have fun some of the time." He said indignantly.

"No, I haven't - this holiday has been crap, _crap_, CRAP!" Rick screamed, losing his short temper.

This was the start of an enormous argument, which carried on long into the night, not stopping until it was so dark that they couldn't see a thing, and were so tired they forgot what they were fighting about.


	11. Chapter 11: Monday Morning

"It's time to get up, Rick," Neil said softly, shaking Rick's shoulder as he lay asleep on one of the sofas in the living room.

Groaning in his sleep, Rick rolled over so he faced away from Neil. His groan sounded much like "Piss off..." but Neil didn't pick up on it.

Getting a little stressed now, Neil said, "Rick! Seriously, man, we, like, really need to get up. Now!"

As it was the last day of the trip and they were supposed to leave the villa by ten o'clock, Neil knew that everyone really did need to start getting packed by now - but, as usual, things weren't going the way Neil hoped. Sighing, Neil gave Rick one last shake and then wandered over to Vyvyan's (and formerly Rick's) bedroom..

Noticing that Neil had walked away, Rick opened and grinned triumphantly (despite there not being anyone to see it) before having to resume his fake sleep when Neil glanced over at him across the room.

"Vyv?" Neil called cautiously through the locked door. "Are you awake?"

"No." Vyvyan yelled from inside his bedroom.

"'Cause we really need to get up now." Neil continued as though he hadn't been interupted.

Vyvyan didn't reply.

Struggling for what to say, Neil suddenly got some inspiration. "Can you get up, please, Vyv, 'cause I really, like, need some help with waking Rick up, and -" Neil paused, not liking what he was about to say, but not having much choice in the matter. "- and I'll let you hurt him if necessary."

Vyvyan didn't answer, but, a few seconds later, Neil heard the door lock click, and Vyvyan appeared in the doorway. Vyvyan looked awful. The dark smudges below each of his blue eyes told Neil that he'd barely slept, and his face was pale and clammy, a stark contrast to his bright orange hair. But he was smiling, a mischievous glint in his bloodshot eyes, and he responded with a rather perky, "OK, Neil, I'll help you."

Vyvyan lead the way across the living room to where Rick was laying, tiptoeing so as to make it a complete surprise. He flexed his fingers, and, after a pause, bent down and jabbed his finger into the swelling under Rick's ear.

Rick screamed, sitting bolt upright. He clutched his sore neck and rocked backwards and forwards, tears in his eyes. Vyvyan's grin spread right across his face, and he began to laugh, having to hold his stomach. Rick looked up, giving Vyvyan an awful look.

"You bastard, Vyvyan!" He said, breathlessly. "You could have killed me."

"You were scared, weren't you?" Vyvyan taunted, taking a step backwards so Rick couldn't hit him if he lashed out.

Rick laughed nervously, rubbing his eyes. "Of course I wasn't scared," He said. He paused, as though something had just dawned on him, something important. "Hang on . . . why did you wake me up, anyway? We're on holiday."

"Not anymore, Rick," Neil said, stepping into Rick's line of sight. "We have to leave his morning - by ten."

"So what! What're they actually going to do to us, Neil - call the pigs?" Rick snorted, but his eyes were widening - a sign that he was getting worried.

"No, but they can physically pick us up and throw us out of the door." Neil sais, lying in his desperation.

"What, really?" Vyvyan said, curious, taking Neil seriously. "Well, I'd like to see them try and pick me up, 'cause I'd put up quite at fight, and you know that I . . ."

"Come on guys, please," Neil said, cutting Vyvyan off. Rick looked relieved. "We really need to go."

Rick managed to prop himself up in a reasonably comfortable half sitting position, looking up at Neil. "You said we have to be out of here by ten, right?"

"Yeah," Neil nodded.

"So, what time is it?"

"Why don't you check it yourself, Rick? I mean, you're, like, the one who's wearing a watch, not me." Neil said, pointedly, staring at the watch strapped to Rick's right wrist.

"I know that!" Rick snapped, already beginning to lose his temper. "But . . ." His voice trailed off, a look of embarrassment flashing across his flushed face.

"But what, Rick?" Neil said, with a spiteful grin.

Rick took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm not very good at telling the time yet." He mumbled.

"Sorry, what was that, Rick?" Vyvyan said, a warped smile on his face.

"Oh, look, what does any of this even matter?" Rick cried. "Look, Neil, can you just tell me the bloody time?" He thrust his wrist at Neil's face.

Neil focused on the ticking hands, and his eyes widened. "It's half nine, guys. Come on, we have to go now, please can we go?"

"Oh, for Cliff's sake, Neil!" Rick screamed. "SHUT UP! I'm bloody sick to death of all your moaning."

"Well, maybe I'm, like, totally sick to death of you as well, Rick!" Neil snapped, seeing red.

"Go on, Neil, don't take his crap - smash his face in!" Vyvyan grinned, egging Neil on. He loved seeing someone as calm as Neil lose it, especially when it had a high chance of ending up with an injured anarchist.

"No, no . . ." Neil tried his best to meditate, and could feel the anger seeping out of him, although he was left with the trembling muscles of an adrenaline rush. "I can't hit him, Vyv - he's ill."

Rick glared at Neil, his eyes so wide they almost popped out of their sockets. "I'll thank you not to make excuses, Neil. If you want to hit me, then hit me! Just don't take pity on me because I'm ill - I could take you on any day, mumps or no mumps, and WIN!" He cried dramatically. He then winced when a sharp pain shot down the side of his neck.

"Will you lot shut up?" Mike yelled through his locked door. "I'm trying to get my beauty sleep."

"But, we've got to, like, leave my ten," Neil said, his voice thickening until he sounded like he was about to cry. "Please, Mike."

Mike heaved a sigh, getting out from under his nest of blankets, and opened the door. He took a deep breath. "Alright, Neil," He said wearily, hating that he always had to be a mediator. "We can go - as long as you don't talk tome and let me sleep in the car."

Neil smiled. "Thanks, Mike. It's a deal."

* * *

For once, the motorway service station was quiet: the shops were almost empty, the toilets were deserted, and only two tables in the whole of the vast café were occupied. The few people actually there were surprised and pleased to have this rare serenity, and sat still, slowly sipping tea, enjoying the peace while it lasted . . .

"For God's sake, I'm totally bloody sick of this!" Vyvyan screamed, hurtling through the automatic doors. His face greasy and white, he clutched his stomach with both hands and ran as fast as he could, fighting the urge to puke. Ignoring everything in his desperation, Vyvyan collided with several objects before finally finding the male toilets. A constant stream of swear words flowed from his mouth, making several people gasp at his vulgarity.

He was followed thirty seconds later by the others - Rick's legs trembling as he stumbled along, barely able to keep himself on his feet, his face still flushed and puffy; Mike swaggering like the arrogant prat he was, trying to show everyone just how cool and approachable he was, and walking slightly in front of the others to try and pretend that he wasn't with them; and Neil bringing up the rear, dragging his feet, hands stuffed into his pockets, head bent, with his mind still spinning after the disastrous thirty minute drive that he had just endured.

It had been awful, and the bruise forming on his cheek (Vyvyan hit him when he tried to meditate) just served as a reminder of his unpleasant experience. He rubbed the red mark as he entered WH Smiths.

By now, Vyvyan was sniffing highlighter pens and Mike was looking at pictures of scantily clad women in magazines, with Rick stood beside him, telling him just how much he despised what Mike was doing.

"Why are you reading that, Mike?" He asked, a slightly disgusted look on his face. "It's so sexist - I mean would you like it if pervy women were getting off looking at semi-naked pictures of you?"

Mike grinned, closing the magazine. "To be totally honest with you, Rick, I would like nothing better."

Rick heaved an exaggerated sigh, and staggered off. He wandered over to the sweets next to the tills, where Neil was buying a packet of chewing gum. He dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a handful of loose change, and, after picking up a Mars Bar, he headed to a vacant till and placed it on the counter.

The cashier gave him a funny look. "Are you alright?" She asked, cautious. "You don't look very well."

Rick smiled weakly, and shrugged his shoulders. He didn't want to tell her that he was ill because that might have put her off of him, and, so far, she seemed to like him. She grinned back and scanned the barcode of his Mars Bar.

"That'll be sixty pence, please," She said as Rick counted out the right amount of money, and held the coins out to her.

Just as she was about to take the money, Mike appeared from behind Rick and said, "I wouldn't touch him if I were you - he's got mumps." He joined the queue, clutching his magazine to his chest.

"What?" He hand flew away from Rick's, pinned to the side of her leg.

"I said he's contagious," Mike repeated, beginning to smile. "He's got the mumps."

The cashier stepped backwards, staring in obvious alarm at Rick and his red, swollen, puffy neck and the double chin it caused.

Rick's face crumpled as he tried not to cry. A lump in this throat, he turned to Mike and gave him a hideous look. "I hate you, Mike." He snapped, and then stormed off. He stumbled into the doorframe on the way out, and Vyvyan could be heard howling with laughter from the back of the shop.

"That was really heavy, Mike," Neil said, following Rick with his eyes until he was out of sight. "You could see that he liked her, but now you've, like, scared her off."

Mike just sighed, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I can't be bothered to argue with you, Neil. Let's just get the others and go - I hate service stations."

* * *

"Are you feeling any better, Vyv?" Neil asked, looking at Vyvyan's painfully pale reflection in the rear view mirror.

"No," Vyvyan muttered, in a foul mood.

"Well, I hope you feel better soon, Vyv."

"Oh, piss off, Neil!" Vyvyan snapped.

Mike, sat in the passenger seat, was engrossed in his magazine, and didn't notice what was happening around him. But Rick was unable to stay out of other people's business, and interrupted their argument.

"Yeah, Neil, piss off! He doesn't want to talk to you."

Vyvyan looked horrified. "Don't you dare stick up for me, Rick!" He yelled.

"Oh, shut up, Vyvyan," Rick shouted back.

"Stop shouting, Rick," Neil said, wearily. "You're giving me a headache."

"Oh, shut up, Neil! No one cares what you think."

"Shut up yourself, Rick!" Vyvyan yelled. "Why do you think that your opinion is more valid than mine or Neil's - 'cause it really isn't."

"I don't!" Rick said, indignantly.

"Yes you do!"

"Oh shut up, Vyvyan!"

"See, there you go again!"

"He's right, Rick, you do," Neil added.

"Oh, shut up, Neil!"

"Can you all stop shouting," Mike said, turning around in his seat. "I'm trying to read, which seems to be bloody impossible around here."

"But you're not reading, are you, Mike, you're being a bloody pervy!" Rick snapped.

"Will you shut up, you bloody bastard!" Vyvyan screamed. "You're pissing me off!"

Rick stuck out his chin, glaring at Vyvyan's back. "No, I won't, Vyvyan, because I'm trying to make a point-"

Vyvyan lost it, spectacularly. He slammed the breaks on and spun around in his seat. Grabbing Rick by the hair, Vyvyan snapped his head into the side of his van. Rick's head clunked against the hard metal and he slumped sideways, unconscious.

Vyvyan grinned at Mike and Neil like nothing had just happened, and they both smiled back, relieved that Rick was going to be out of it for a while, and that they were going to be able to have a relaxing journey - at least until Rick woke up.


End file.
